What women really want (THE UNFILTERED TRUTH)

It would be completely unfair to let women know what guys really want and not do the same for the guys (all in the name of equality, of course). So many articles out there are selling men the tricks to making their women happy. Most are not honest so I thought to save you the cash and time and simply spill out the unwritten and unfiltered truth. So as a follow up from what guys really want, here I am with what we ladies really want:


(1) MONEY 

No woman in the 21st century is likely going to throw herself in a financially difficult relationship. Most women in this century can cater for themselves and as much as they preach equality, deep inside they seek a man that can hold it down not only emotionally but also financially. We want to feel secure and as much as some may deny it, money plays a huge part in that security.



Now guys, listen and listen real good, we’re absolutely tired of asking you how we look and you respond with lines like “I love you just the way you are” knowing well you are simply trying to be nice. Women love direct physical compliments like ‘your ass looks absolutely stunning in that dress’ so try being more specific with your compliments and see how your girl responds, you’d be surprised. #ThankMeLater



Women love to be surprised. I really wish I could emphasis more on that word “LOVE” because the guys that do this often know how much extra points they score. We women love the idea that you’re thinking about us 24/7 (even though we know its a lie), so little gestures like sending flowers to our office and stopping by unannounced to take us out to eat, could go a long way in keeping us happy.



This is really important because men misunderstand what it means to be a good listener and most of us women often get offended by your responses during conversations. For example, I was in a conversation with my boyfriend explaining how much I disliked a co-worker and right in the middle of the conversation he says “but don’t you think you take things a bit too far?” #WhoAskedForYourOpinion. Truth is comments like these offend most of us. We expect you to listen and if we ask your opinion, you take our side even if it kills you. Know when your opinion is warranted and when it isn’t.



Hold up!!! We’re not necessarily searching for a comedian, but every girl has a soft spot for a funny guy (It’s what we Nigerian girls refer to as our Mumu button). The thing with funny guys is they get away with so much simply because they know how to spin our moods from mad/sad to happy at the speed of light.



However insignificant our actions may seem to you, we want to know that you payed attention and appreciated it. By simply saying “Thank you” (because you want to not because you have to).  AVOID giving sarcastic compliments like “this is the best meal you’ve made in ages babe”,  we hate it! (are you trying to say our past meals were bad??). Simply say “Babe, I love this and thanks for taking the time to make this for me”.


Every girl wants you to think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you (even if it’s a lie). You may after reading this list believe women want too much…I can not argue with you on this one, I can only provide you with the truth. Do with it as you please.

I can’t pretend like guys don’t put in the work, I am simply saying you need a little more help. So ladies what else is it that you REALLY want from your man that I might have left out? Let me know by making use of the comments section below.

What men ACTUALLY want (The unfiltered truth)

Ladies!! Has your man ever hit you with the ‘if only you knew what I want” line? (ouch!), stings doesn’t it? Quite a number of us women commit immense time and energy to make sure our man is happy but most times, it seems like energy is being wasted. We spend hours online looking online for inspirational dishes. We then spend hours rummaging the supermarkets for the ingredients, not to mention those hot long hours in the kitchen trying to throw down an amazing 5 course dinner, to received a “Thanks” from our man. This is exactly why I’ve been inspired to create this post to let you know what it is that your man really really wants. Some of you might need to hold your weaves for this one because these men are needy to put it lightly.

1. SEX

Men love intimacy and want to be able to express that in an intimate way on a regular basis. Nothing much left to say here. That simple.


You may think you support your man because you’re always there for him during tough times. Nice but the kind of support they need is the kind you give when his favourite sports team is playing (did someone say huh???). Your man really wants support when he’s watching his favorite sports team play. If you can’t stand watching sports (a lot of women can’t), try to at least make sure he enjoys his game by not being a distraction. If you want to get in his good books, buy him his favorite player’s jersey.


Calm down, it’s not what you’re thinking. What I mean is an escape from most of the boring outings we all engage in these days. A lot of us ladies make our man go on outings like attending our book clubs, our weird doctors appointments and even shopping trips. Honestly, women that take their men shopping are just the worst in men’s books (unless he’s paying then we don’t care how he feels #joking).


No guy wants an overly emotional being as a partner. Men don’t want to be burdened with the need to sugarcoat their words especially when trying to offer productive critique. They love the idea of their woman being able to handle her emotions especially when handling issues concerning the relationship.


Every man wants a playful lady, one who he can keep him smiling despite the stress that comes with life. A lot of us ladies can neither give nor take a joke meanwhile guys love women who can laugh at anything. A male friend of mine once said “Astrophysics should be left for the classroom and not the home”.


It goes without saying that you can’t give what you do not have. Ideal women possess certain levels of self-respect and this can reflect in how much you respect your man. Respect being that you understand most of his needs and you give him just enough space to express himself without making yourself a priority over him.


There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman who is confident within and loves herself. Guys see landing a confident woman like getting an ultimate prize because they know you have your own thing going that keeps you happy and so even when they’re not there, you’re good. Essentially, guys don’t want a needy woman but at the same time, they need you to need them (hope you get my drift).

Guys are not as simple as we mistake them to be ladies, so we really should try to make extra effort to figure out makes them happy (Simply ask your man, and you’ll find the keys). No point wasting our time doing what we think they need when we can simply focus on what they need. For the ladies, I’ll share my sassy post on what women want next week. And FYI just because I have put up a list of what men want doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to give it to them. I want a mansion in beverly hills, I want to be a billionaire, I want to have my cake and also eat it…you can see I want a lot, it doesn’t mean I can’t survive without it!

Men and women often want the same things, we just need each other to bring it out. – Steve Harvey

So do you agree with this or you think I have completely missed the mark? Let me know by commenting below.

7 Kinds of Men Who Do Not Deserve Your Attention

Finding the right potential partner in life is like searching for a needle in a haystack. It is not impossible but I can certainly testify that it can be a difficult, time exhausting and sometimes painful process. It is clear to all of us that perfection does not exist and that there are indeed no perfect people out there. But we can all also testify that there are some men out there that are not worth giving your time of day to (For the men, don’t forget to read my piece on the women to steer clear of). Those are the ones that I am about to enlighten you on. This is my attempt to assist you in saving you some time and of course sanity. Here they are:


If you are not into this type of guy and you spot him, don’t waste your time thinking you can change him. Filter him out asap. Some of them hide it on the first few dates but that’s just for as long as you can keep a fish out of water alive. When he starts showing you telltale signs of always getting drunk, you need to exit the scene. And like I said, if you are not naturally into the drunk ones – stay away.


A guy does not need to be rich to pay up his bills, he only needs to be responsible. A guy who constantly feels lazy about paying his own bills or even for at least his own portion of the meal at the table should be far away from the potential list. If a guy is really into you, he should naturally want to pay the bills for the date (you may disagree but each to their own). If not because he wants to impress you with his ability to provide for you, he will do it out of manners. I wouldn’t entertain anyone who signals me to pay up for everything when the bill arrives especially without prior notice.


You know next to nothing about this guy. You have zero information about his family, friends and even colleagues (even his google search comes up with “Your search – MYSTERY MAN – did not match any documents). He is a mysterious stranger. Relationships with a man without a past hardly ever ends happily. Moreover why would you want to endanger yourself by getting involved with someone who hides things about himself from you?


If you have seen the movie “The perfect Guy”, you would remember how Michael Ealy was the all smooth-talking and charming guy for the first part before his temperament got the better of him. A man’s temper is part of the things to watch in the first few days. A good guy will listen to you and communicate effectively even if you do not agree on the same issues. The volcano guy will bitch and throw tantrums and sooner or later, he may hit you. Save your future self the headache and bruises. You don’t want that guy (I hope so).


This is the authoritarian. He is the one to tell you the right amount of make-up you need, the jewelry you must not wear and even food to eat. He is usually aggressive and controlling and will tell you “it is for your own good”. If he dictates to you what you need to do at every time, you are dealing with a tyrant. Steer clear.


This is the attention seeker. He always craves attention (i.e admiration), no matter what the company may be. He often interrupts others, sprinkles jokes (not always witty) and sure enough, he is going to be angry if there is no response or laughter from you. The main object of his interest, is not you, but himself.


True enough a man needs to be dedicated to his job and most times having a solid career is often his biggest priority. However it is important that he knows the word “balance”. If he finds it hard to balance his work and personal life and he is not willing to learn how to, you may have issues on your hands. He may never be ready. If he wants to be with you, he has to find time for you (if you can survive without attention, you can stay).


You might think to yourself that many men hold some of the attributes above but truth is also that many don’t. However the truth is we all compromise in life and the best way to ensure we come out happy is that we evaluate what really matters to us. And not just what matters to us today but what will matter to our future self. Only when we are able to do this can we actually steer clear of danger.

Did I miss out on any men women should steer clear of? Let me know them as am sure you’ve all had experience of them.

Image: Pinterest

The Forbidden Fruit: Office Romance – To take a bite or not

Oh geez, we have all been here (some more often than others). In present times, where most people spend the bulk of their time at work, the temptation to start an office romance is very alluring. You spent most of your days with these people in sight. You go on company retreats, you hang around together after work for a drink (or one too many drinks). It’s easy to get know them on a more intimate basis (You get to kill 2 birds with one stone). These people totally get you and the pressures of your job. So naturally, it is easier to build relationship with them.

With the tinder-world (a world filled with such abyss) upon us, you might say its better dating co-workers because there are a lot of  “creeps” (both men and women) out there in the world; dating and falling for someone you work with is a lot easier and safer than trying to meet a new person in clubs, bars, etc.


Image: zalora.sg

So you get into an office romance and you think it’s a private affair (Oh, is it really?). You do not want anyone to know just yet but one glance from both of you can give you up and then someone is pointing fingers, yeah who spilled the beans? Can you handle the sometimes ridiculing looks from your colleagues?

One side of your brain should tell you that your romantic involvement will impact your co-workers directly. If you sit together in the company cafeteria, will people now feel they should give you privacy? Will they exclude you from certain conversations, because they don’t know what you’ll tell your new love during your bed-time conversations? Could it actually hinder your career growth?


Image: yte.educ.ubc.ca

I know you think love conquers all but you need to think it through before diving into it. Have you weighed your pros and cons? Is it worth it? Think of a scenario where you become involved with someone in your department, and you receive a promotion and you’re in a relationship with your subordinate. This opens up the possibility of blackmail, favouritism and the works. And what happens when it comes to conducting reviews and disciplining your new-found honey? I know you may not want to imagine this scenario but trust me this is one of the important things you need to think about before falling for any of your co-workers.

Before I leave you, you need to know that having an office romance can also lead to potential legal consequences. For example, if one party wants to end the relationship but the other one does not, a sexual harassment claim may come up. This seems far fetched but it happens more often than not. Please, we both know that is better imagined than experienced.

office4Image: pinterest


One last thing, if it comes down to it can you leave your job for him/her? Think this one through…


Image: whitehouse.gov1

Okay forgive me, I promise you I am not being a spoil sport and in all sincerity some office romances might actually be the real thing but you need to play your cards right and go with your head. Think about it and do not just get carried away by the warmt and fuzzy feelings. Weigh up the options. Some office romances may build your career whilst others break them down. Choose wisely.

Would you engage in an office romance? If so, why? and if you have any horror or cinderella stories, please share, everyone loves a good story.

7 women every man should avoid

You see, men often get blamed for ruined relationships or having personality traits that make it almost impossible to sustain healthy relationships. But the truth is, men aren’t always the ones to blame for the death of many relationships, women are.

Here I am with a secret list that shows men the type of women they should steer clear of, if they are trying to pursue successful relationships. I can see the ladies rolling their eyes at me already. Instead of rolling your eyes, take this as a help guide to guide you about the traits you should drop at the door before engaging in trying to find Mr Right.


 While the portrayal may make you scratch your head, I promise you it is worlds away from what you are thinking because this is Ms. Right = Ms. Always Right or Ms. Has To Be Right. This beautiful lady can have a host of great qualities and characteristics but she has a dogmatic character for being correct that turns off any man and turns any relationship into a disaster. She has to be right about anything and everything to the point that your slightest word had better be in agreement with hers. If you disagree or prove her wrong, there is hell to pay. While her great qualities may make you want to hang in there and overlook her excesses, Ms. Right is one of the types that cannot be changed. Sorry bro but the best you can do is to avoid her if you cannot handle this trait long-term. She is proud, arrogant and uncompromising when it boils down to other people’s views.

girls2Image: arleyart



Now this lady is just a seat away from the first lady. For this woman, her perfect relationship is less about compatibility and compromise but it is more about having someone that does everything she declares. The only way she can be happy is if she has complete control over situations which wrecks all opportunities for freedom, romantic surprises and, you know, a man to love out of his own free will.


Image: mydreamcatalyst


If she is always fixing your hair and tucking in your shirt, you’re the victim of a Mother Goose. Although she may have good intentions and be awesome in many other ways, her motherly instincts will eventually drive you up the wall. She may not be a lost cause, as some women can be taught to stop “cosseting” you. However, if you’ve talked to her about it a few times and she still can’t resist the urge to spit on a tissue to remove a spot from your face, you might have to go your separate ways, unless you can handle it, which I doubt.


Image: mpcshows


We all struggle with some level of insecurities but some people struggle more than others. Yes, I can hear you saying everyone gets jealous but wait, when you are repeatedly hear questions like “you like her?”, “why is edible catering calling you?”, “why doesn’t your Facebook say you are in a relationship?”, “it took you 15 minutes to get home, google map says it takes only 12mins, where were you?”. Ermmmm nuts right? I thought so too.


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All men have experienced the effort to bring together their physical, mystical and financial aspects. In the process of courting, you will pay for flowers, go out to the movies, and lay the world out before her. However, while you spend with emotion and desire, make sure your new lady is enjoying you and not just your money. Gold diggers will eventually show their colors when they begin expecting you to pay for all their bills. Do you really want a woman who only sees you as a dollar sign or an ATM? (And maybe you don’t mind?)


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This one reeks danger. She is unable to tell you how she feels so she acts out her feelings, which will surely confuse you. When she’s passive, it may seem alluring but that indifference will eventually turn back into violence when she feels she isn’t getting what she wants. Run forest run!



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She takes minor provocations as personal attacks. She will throw others under the bus (including you) to get what they “deserve”. This woman my friend is the drama momma; It reeks drama everywhere she goes. She always believes she’s been victimized and she ensure you hear very sordid detail. But the drama isn’t necessarily the dangerous side of this kind of woman (And really: A woman isn’t “dramatic” because she’s emotional. Emotions are healthy). Her problem is the underlying belief that it is always everyone else’s fault. This woman is to be avoided because she cannot comprehend the meaning of taking responsibility for her actions. She might even have a clinical condition, just saying.


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Keeping all the above in mind, we should all be mindful of the reality we in; that relationships aren’t about finding perfection (experience has thought us all that it doesn’t exist). Relationships are about finding imperfect people who are aware of their flaws and weaknesses, people who are working to become better version of themselves for both parties. Bonne Chance!

Are you in a relationship with any of the listed or even better still, if you’re a lady and you found yourself in the list, do you agree that men should avoid you?


The Pros and Cons to dating an expat

Here in Lagos, aside from the likes of the “Dangotes” (aka one of Nigeria’s super wealthy families) who to be honest are not within reach of most, the next best targets for dating are expats. Expats to be honest are within reach for almost any class in Nigeria hence why you sometimes have to do a double take when you see the kinds of women you see on dates with these men (you know exactly what I mean so I won’t spell it out). So lets jump into it, the pros and cons to dating an expat.

PRO 1: Financial Stability

Lets not pretend we don’t all want this. Who wants to slave for the rest of their lives? We know expats receive housing allowance, travel allowance, grocery allowance and even get their salaries probably delivered to their USD or GBP accounts abroad (and this is at a minimum). With the current economic situation in our country, this reason has never been truer.

PRO 2: That passport

  We all love our green naija passport but let us be honest with ourselves. If someone offered you a UK, Italian or American passport, would you say no? I’ll leave that there.

CON 1: When they are hot, they are hot. When cold, cold as ICE

  I feel expats love hard…they live far away from home so when they find a Nigerian partner they vibe with, they love hard but…yes BUT, the moment they fall out of love, that’s IT (there is no changing their mind). So perhaps best to get the most whilst in it because you never know how numbered your days are.

CON 2: Three-way love story

  Most expats had a life before they moved into the country. Some had wives, children, long term girlfriends…some of them decided not to move with them because of various reasons. And here you are falling in love with someone that may still be in love with someone else miles away. Who knows whether you are just a place holder, filling space until….

I have only mentioned a few pros and cons. I am sure some of you lovely readers have dated expats so please show us the way…what were the pros and cons when you sidelined your brothers/sisters and jumped on the expat bandwagon? 🙂

How to date in cosmopolitan cities like Lagos

Lagos, Nigeria is a city of Love Love Love….I LIE. Lagos is not for the faint-hearted. This highly populated city will chew innocence out of you and you will look back reminiscing on how dumb you were. Dating in lagos takes skills, skills you better learn quick and hopefully not through experience. That quote about how experience is the best teacher doesn’t work here. Listening to other people’s experience is the best teacher. Learning from the mistakes of others is the best teacher. Here are my own tips to dating in Lagos:

TIP 1: Date silently

Just because you are dating doesn’t mean you need to announce it on a radio station. Are you to first to go on a date??

TIP 2: Date quietly

As much as Lagos has some really well known cool spots to hang out i.e. Maison Farenheit, Eko Hotel, Angel Villa….Please AVOID them all. Look for unknown new spots to explore. You don’t want to be bumping into everyone whilst you are trying to figure out whether this hottie is the real deal or not. You know how Lagosians spread rumours and thrive on GIST aka GOSSIP. Please avoid being on the first page.

TIP 3: Ask blunt/Straight-to-the-point questions on the 1st or 2nd Date (I prefer 1st)

      Questions such as:

  • Are you married or divorced?
  • Do you have kids?
  • Are you currently seeing anyone?
  • Where are you in your life now when it comes to relationships?

You may disagree with me but you are setting yourself up for tears and “whys” if you don’t do yourself a favour and ask ALL the above. We all know that married men are out on the prowl as a norm so please be smart.

TIP 4: Clarify what dating is

Lagos is not the city to make assumptions (#MakeZeroAssumptions). I mean, some people date 10 people at once and see no big deal in doing so. Just enlighten yourself as to what you are getting yourself into.

TIP 5: Don’t be quick to fall in love

This tip is for the childish ones. What do you know about love? You meet him, he spends on you, flies you on a private jet, pays for your mother’s bill and suddenly you are in love. Abeg snap out of it. You might love all these things he does for you but is that love?

TIP 6: Options

Until you are in an exclusive relationship, you are a free agent. I hope you can hear me loud and clear, a FREE AGENT. #KeepYourOptionsOpen. Also keep this fact to yourself.

TIP 7: Live your life

Here I am telling you to not change your full schedule in anticiapation of this guy. Live your life full and proud. Don’t suddenly ditch all your plans to make room for him. Nothing is more attractive than a woman with her own life and vibe.

#SassyKeepingItReal #DateWisely

PLEASE share some tips that have helped or that have perhaps saved you from a lifetime of misery in your dating saga!!


6 reasons he has not yet proposed

You have waited and waited, weeks, months, maybe even 7 years to hear those magical words. You’ve hinted at it, gotten your friends to hint at it (even though “when are you going to marry our friend?” isn’t a hint but you know we nigerian girls have no subtlety). You have pretty much done everything except screamed it to him but he still has not proposed to you. WHY? Here are my top 6 WHYs:


I am not even trying to be funny with this one. The truth is many married men are in fully fledged relationships with women that have zero clue about their marital status. My sister, I am sorry about this one but you will need a miracle worker to work on this one for you.


Image: adsoftheworld


Just because “YOU” are ready does not mean “HE” is ready. He may still have things he wants to accomplish. Maybe he still has some maturing and growing to do. If he regularly avoids the marriage conversation, even though you know he loves and wants to marry you, it could be because he isn’t ready for the responsibility of having a family. Talk to him and see if this is indeed the case. If he is mentally not ready and you are, it is up to you to decide what is more important to you: Waiting for him or your biological clock?


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Are you living the “couple’s life” already? Are you doing all of the wifely duties without the title of “wife”? (Sorry my sister but it is your fault). Unfortunately, sometimes living with a man before marriage can put a bit of a delay on the proposal. Maybe he has simply gotten too comfortable with your living arrangement, so comfortable that he feels no need to “buy the cow” since he’s getting the milk served to him everyday already. Have a talk with him and let him know your desire to be married. Take it from there.


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If you suspect that he is not proposing to you due to another woman (or multiple women), I would not advise you to force him to do so. It won’t work. You have to decide whether it is worth staying with a man who may not want you, or whether you should call it quits. Ask yourself, “are you a library where people just come to read books they never buy?”


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Ooops! That might sound a bit weird. Getting married and not having children is actually a big deal so maybe you partner is just a bit hesitant about having children. He knows if he gets married, the pressure to have children may be too much so he is holding off for now.


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Arrg! This might be hard to take in but it is true. It might just be that he doesn’t just see you in that light anymore (“the wifey kind of light”) and he does not know how to tell you. This is heart-breaking I know but then that’s life for you, always throwing in spanners.


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If you know you are in a good place in your relationship but marriage is important to you, you might just want to ask your partner whether wedding marriage is on the cards. Listen to what he has to say and you might receive some insights that will assist you in your next steps. If you are a good place in your relationship and marriage isn’t necessarily the end goal for you, why break a perfectly good stride by saying anything? Nevertheless, there may be endless “Whys” into why he isn’t taking the plunge and the best way to find out is to communicate. Don’t underestimate the power of communication.

Talk to him. If he says he is not sure…hmmmm my sister, use your brain to decide your next step (only you can answer what that next step is).


10 ways to thrive as a side chick

It is only fair that I elaborate on what a side chick is for those innocent ones amongst us. Just the way sweet potato fries accompanies steak at a meal, a side chick accompanies a wife or main girlfriend. Now all you “mains” (aka wives or main girlfriends) don’t need to start raising your eyebrows at me, I am just trying to help some sisters out. Moreover if you were doing your job, your man might not have had to source a side chick (you can shoot me now..haha).

Okay so first things first, we all know being a side chick is not as easy as it sounds and if you want to be a certified side chick you have to know your onions. To assist you in your craft, I am going to give you ten ways to succeed in your role so stay glued. And for those “mains”, this will serve as a sneak peek into how that other woman has a hold on your man.



We get it, all girls need some fair amount of attention but no dear, you cannot demand the kind of attention he gives his wife/main bae as the case may be. Give him space! Go out with your girlfriends, go to the movies, bag another man, keep busy. Do not for one second think that he will come running every second you need him. If you understand that, then you would save yourself the cash you would have wasted on pain killers and therapy sessions when he doesn’t call for days because he is celebrating his 5th wedding anniversary with his wife and kids.


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This is important. If you are a side chick, drama is never good for your market. You cannot be starting up fights or get angry because he forgot your birthday (Is he your mother???). When you hear around town that he is about marry his main girlfriend this coming weekend, you cannot show up at the church waiting for your cue when the pastor says “Anybody knows why these two…….”. Again darling, NO DRAMA! #KnowYourPlace


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Yes I know things can get pretty heated and you are catching feelings, day dreaming of paradise; thinking you’re the ‘main’ girlfriend that you well know you are not. When you feel the urge to have the “talk”, DON’T! Refrain from asking him questions like “What are we doing?” or Where is this going?” Those kinds of questions will push him away fast. My sister, you know exactly what you are both doing. #AgainKnowYourPlace

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This is a no brainer. If you are a side chick, you don’t have privileges of questions such as: “Where were you?”, “Why didn’t you call me?”, “Who were you on the phone with?” etc. especially if you want to keep the relationship going. These are not side chick questions, so keep the jealousy away. Your questions should be stress-free messages of excitement, adventure and satisfaction.


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As a side chick, you have to always be on point. You are not his “main” so you don’t get to hang around him in sweats. Stay in shape, don’t get fat and always keep up with the latest fashion trends. #ThisIsPreciselyWhatYouWereRecruitedFor

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I know you know I am not talking interpersonal skills here. I am talking about your bedding skills. As I mentioned previously: keep up with the trends, be creative and all is well with you.


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Just because he flew you on his private jet to Monaco for a luxurious weekend, you can’t start drawing castles in the sky. Don’t get dreamy or desperate. Keep your hopes to yourself and don’t make him feel you are going to start reading meanings into his ‘I want you”, “I want to leave her for you” text. #StayInYourLane 


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Whenever he is with you, keep the conversation interesting. Your main responsibility as a side chick is to keep things fun and exciting. Surprise him. Do whatever you have to do to keep things exciting, as long as it feels natural. Just don’t go overboard by showing up unannounced just because he said the whole family were on vacation (He might be with Side Chick No. 3).


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Unfortunately, because he is the one having the affair you have to let him take the lead. If he wants to see you, he will summon you. This is especially true at night; don’t try to call or text him late at night or his “main” may see your text and things could go south (I’ve heard of “main” beating up “sides” #RespectYourself)


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Obviously this is a no brainer, he is going give you money (unless he is miser which means you need to move on). Please do not send any gold digger signals his way. There is a skill to getting what you want without directly asking for anything (I’ll leave that for another day).


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Hopefully you might graduate from being the side chick to the “main chick” (if that is indeed your goal). I have heard that some side chicks are very ok with their status and have zero intention on changing it #EachToTheirOwn.

We may all have our differing opinions regarding side chicks. One perspective we should not forget is that some people cannot help who they love and who are we to judge whether or not their feelings are right or not.


What is your opinion on the notion of side chicks and perhaps you have some insights you can share? 

Featured image: Relationship Craze

Bad Breakup: 9 lessons I wouldn’t take back

Ever had a soul-wrenching breakup? I have (and I mean serious heartbreak, not the one in those hollywood movies). You know those break-ups that make you think life is truly over. Rather than bore you with the “nollywood-type” sordid detail (that is for another day *wink*), I will share with you what I took away. Here are the life-long lessons which I would never change.


Not to deny the importance of love but if you think that love is all there is to life, then you are mistaken. Live your life consciously and don’t forget what makes you i.e. your family, friends, work, hobbies and so on whilst on the pursuit of love. I repeat: There is more to life than just your love life.


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It was only through picking up the pieces of my life after hitting rock bottom that I realized this one important fact that has so far shaped my relationships. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself”. One should not base one’s happiness on the presence of another soul. Life has taught me that people are not only unpredictable but also complicated and as such one should be careful on how reliant one is on them. I find solitude in a higher power (So far so good :))


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I have learnt that it is not my goal to change anyone or to go into a relationship hoping that they will someday change. I have learnt acceptance and the peace that it can bring to me. I have learnt to have a REAL conversation with myself to truly understand what I can withstand and what I can’t. Just because someone refuses/can’t change doesn’t mean they are bad people either, it may just mean we are not compatible and guess what?? THAT IS OK.


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Life certainly teaches us lessons we don’t remember signing up for. Sometimes we believe that we can never live life without our partner. Truth is we learn how flexible, tolerant and resilient we are with every blow that life dishes us. I use this truth in my everyday life, from my career to my relationships. Knowing how tough I am, makes me feel resilient to what trials life throws my way #WhatDoesntBreakYouMakesYou….


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Gosh this is an important one. Failing is a GREAT thing. Failing means we tried. It gives us a story to tell, a story to actually learn from. Failing means we explored an experience which didn’t end perfectly but guess what? it probably taught us a million lessons, lessons we couldn’t have bought with all the money in the world if we tried.


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Truth is no one likes to feel cheated in life. Whether it is at home or at work or in our relationships, we all like to feel like everyone contributed. Relationships are a two-way street. If all you do is take, soon they will stop giving. You were warned!! Whoever said nothing is free knew exactly what they were talking about.


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When it comes to love, there’s more than just looking deeply into each other’s eyes and saying, “I love you.” #ThatS***FadesOffVeryQuickly. Your partner should be passionate, reliable, trustworthy, etc. But when those qualities are not present, that is when love may not be enough. What are the ACTUAL needs of your partner? (Please ask your partner) And are you actioning these needs or are all they hear are words??


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When I say contentment here, I refer to when one has made peace with or accepted one’s situation. Being ok with one’s situation because one feels they can not do better or because they believe they don’t have the energy to start something new is not happiness. Know the difference and please #DontSettleForContentment unless it’s exactly what you want.


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In hindsight, I could see that the warning signs of my relationship woes. Only experiencing them first hand equipped me to spot them in the future and know when to call it quits. So be honest with yourself, weigh your pros and cons because loving someone and loving the idea of being with someone are actually two different things.


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 Are you going through a bad break up? Denial will only deny you the freedom you need to move on. Reflect on the relationship (like I did) understanding the pros and cons and decide confidently on how to proceed.

What are the lessons you have learned from your past failed relationships? My mother always says that experience is not always a good thing, if you can easily learn from the mistakes of others so please share your lessons with us and save us the pain.