Category: The Lagos Chronicles

Wedding parties in Nigeria are truly the greatest! They are colourful, vibrant and full of people who are either genuinely in high-spirit for the couples or simply want to pre-drink before they heard to the club. There is no party like our party anywhere else in the world! Nigerian parties have the best Jollof rice, and any party with Jollof rice is always a party worth attending. The music is also as fleek and groovy as the dance moves that accompanies it. And if you have crazy friends, be sure that they would make you feel giddy and excited like it were there own party as well. Anyway, the last part may be the only thing liable to have glitches – “PEOPLE”. There is just a thin line between making someone’s party memorable for them and turning it into a nightmare. Many people can’t tell the difference. That’s why I have created this four important rules for all party guests in Nigeria. So you can tell when you have or are beginning to cross the line.

1. DO NOT OUT-DRESS THE HOST

Whatever party you attend, I know you want to slay. It is perfectly alright to look gorgeously dressed. However try not to overdo it. Especially at weddings. Do not outshine the bride! Do not wear anything white, or even remotely so. You can wear something with a touch of white to a wedding but try not to be a deliberate attention-grabber.  Your host may not show displeasure but you have somehow taken their show and this is selfish. Some people even go as far as deliberately wearing something different from the dress code. Don’t be that person. If they want black and gold, go in black and gold or anything close. Because the party is theirs, not yours.

2. DO NOT BRING AN UNINVITED PERSON ALONG

If an invitation was sent to you which admits only you to a party, do not try to smuggle in someone else. People make plans based on an expected number of people. You would be turning their event into a nightmare if they do not have enough to cater for everyone present because people like you brought in more people. If your friends want to tag along, make sure you request the host’s consent. However in Nigeria, some people just do not like to hear about parties and not show up. 

3. PHOTOGRAPHY NOT PAGEANTRY

Photography is meant to capture all the beautiful moments and its importance cannot be over-emphasized. When you see a professional cameraman, do not jump in front of it as though it is a documentary about you. We all know you want to be featured on Bella Naija but have some self restraint. You brought along your own phone (and extra battery and “LuMee” light) so make good use of it and snapchat all you want but let the photographers capture the moments that matter most to the celebrant. Also when taking pictures with the host, unnecessary and silly face-making is annoying and distracting. Don’t draw attention to yourself (Pictures are pretty when you smile simply).

4. GIVE GIFTS 

I know you probably bought an Aso-ebi of N20,000 and you think you have done well. The good gesture of handing celebrants and couples gifts at their events is a timeless tradition.  When you give out gifts, it is an opportunity to send a goodwill message or prayers. And also shows that you are not a freeloader but a person genuinely celebrating others. Remember that the cost of putting together that wedding dwarfs the cost of your aso-ebi and make-up

Finally, keep to all the above rules.

Do you adhere to any of the rules above when attending parties in Nigeria?  Tell me what other rules you think people should follow.

Image: Adufe’s Blog

Unlike in the west where gatecrashing is not something one would dream of doing, in Nigeria we do it different.  In Lagos, Nigeria, gatecrashing is something most us have done and will continue to do in the future. Imagine it’s the weekend and you have no party plans but you have a mission to have a good time nevertheless..what to do? Truth is there are numerous events happening aka weddings but we all know that gatecrashing parties in Lagos has become much harder than before. Some parties now require an invitation with unique bar codes for entry (and the organizers will still place a bouncer in front of the venue like it’s Quilox nightclub).

But not to worry, I have some simple effective gatecrashing (aka. Mogbomoya) tips for you. With these tips, you can forever grate crash (not that I always do or do I? *wink*) any party.

CHOOSE THE PARTY WISELY

You should know exactly what you want out of the party from the onset. Is it the party jollof? the souvenirs? Or the best man? Once you know what you want, then you can select the party wisely. Also make sure to look at the party’s hashtag on instagram to check out the calibre of party this is. You should always gate-crash with purpose. This crucial step in choosing the party wisely will ensure you fulfil your purpose. If your plan was to bag a billionaire, I doubt gate crashing a cheap wedding would be smart on your part given the investment you make have to put into it.

Image:  jaguda

DRESS THE PART

Some people stick out like a sore thumb. Dress up like it’s yours cousin’s wedding. Tie your gele (aka head tie) properly and make sure your make-up is on point (Everyone is a make-up artist nowadays so this there is no excuse for any sub par looking face). Upon entering into the party, make sure you enter with confidence such that any bouncer would think twice before asking you where you are going.

Image: nairaland

DON’T BE EARLY

This is a rookie mistake (and shame on you if you are Nigerian too, you know better than to be early or on time for an event). You don’t really want to venture into a party when the bouncers are still in full action. Go when the party is in full swing and when the people in attendance are more than the bouncers can handle.

Image via privatereview.com

STYLISHLY WALK-IN

As you proceed to the entrance of the hall, wait until you see a very large group of people entering and quickly attach yourself to the group. Then, pretend to be on the phone as you walk in BUT don’t walk too fast. If one of the bouncers tries to stop you, give him the ‘you must be mad’ look (all Nigerians have perfected this look…if you have Nigerian friend, ensure they show you the look) and brush past.

Image: todaygh

POSITION YOUR SEAT STRATEGICALLY

Now what’s the point of getting into the Owambe #PARTY, blending in, and not getting what you came for (whether it be food or a man/woman or a connect). To make sure you are strategically well positioned, I would advise to sit close to the bridal train. The best things always find themselves there.

Image: molarawood.blogspot

The truth is we all gatecrash weddings (some more often than others) and but no one wants to be known as a gate-crasher. The gatecrashing business is not for the slow ones, you must be eagle-eyed and smart to come out on top.

Have I helped or at least entertained you? Share with me some #mogbomoya tips, (oh I know you have them). I can’t wait to hear them.

Welcome to Lagos aka. Lasgidi JJC! Yes! That’s what we call the newbie aka Johnny Just Come (JJC). All I can say is you are on a long thing if you do not learn fast in this bustling city (Either you catch up or get left behind, it’s that simple). Lagos is like no other city I have been to or lived in.

I am here to share with you some of the problems a ‘JJC’ in Lagos might encounter and of course the solutions (I wouldn’t leave you without help :)).

#Problem1: THE FAST LIFE

Let me share with you a story about ‘Ikenna’. Ikenna came to Lagos upon securing a great job. On his first day at work (which was on Victoria Island), he left home (the mainland) at 6.00 am on a Monday (The Lagosians are laughing right about now). He wore his nice suit, pink tie (a pretty dope one at that) and headed happily to work.

The traffic was on another level aka intense (it was Monday so you wouldn’t expect different) and just his bus approached CMS, it started raining. Well to cut the long story short, Ikenna got to work 10.16 am (I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the day went for him).

See, Lagos is all about the fast life. If you want to get to work (and you don’t own a car), you must leave home latest 5.am or you may never get there till 10.am or simply you sleep at work the day before. At the bus stop when people are struggling to enter ‘Danfo’ (our public transportation), don’t slack, join them. Even if you are in possession of a car, just be fast! Repeat after me, ‘Be Fast!’ If you don’t adopt this fast mindset, you will get trampled upon and get left behind.

Image: growingleader

#Problem2: ACCOMMODATION

Don’t be fooled by the persuasive housing agents. If you are unsure of who the owner of the house or the administrator is, don’t rent the house #JUSTDONTDOIT. They will rob you of 2 years house rent (Lagosians pay yearly rentals in this country, not monthly), commission, damages, and agreement fees. If unfortunately you enter their trap, you have paid ‘owo omogo’ (you just got duped).

Those signs that read: THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE mean serious business.

Image: cnn

#Problem3: DRIVING RULES

You bought a car and decided that you don’t want a driver. Well ensure you keep your eyes out for the traffic signs (they may well be hidden). If you’re unfortunate and enter a one-way road and LASTMA (our road traffic officers) catch you, you will curse whatever possessed you to leave home on that day.

It’s simple. Do not go against traffic rules or simply hire a driver that knows his way around. You are going to pay through your nose if you happen to encounter LASTMA. Don’t fight too much about any technicality, you will lose.

Image: facebook

#Problem4: STREET ETIQUETTE

Brothers and Sisters, if you see two people fighting in Lagos and you want to do ‘Mr Nice’ and you believe you should try and separate them, what can I even say to you?…Please just respect yourself and go your way. Also avoid any argument with all those ‘Agberos’ (touts) that might taunt you in the streets. It is your mother they will first abuse, not you.

Image: nbcnews

#Problem5: TRAFFIC

Ermm this is pretty much everybody’s problem but if you are a JJC, you might wonder if there are constant terrible accidents occurring on the road of Lagos causing the gridlocks. Don’t worry, most times it’s usually nothing (Maybe some folks arguing or a pothole). Just keep yourself entertained with the radio and if you get hungry, indulge in a bottled drink and gala from a road-side vendor and relax in your vehicle. You can even use this as a great opportunity to catch up on some sleep. Just make sure you don’t sleep and wake up in Ikorodu when you were supposed to have alighted at Ketu.

Image: techpoint

There are certainly a lot more problems I could drum up but truth is Lagos has its perks (If it didn’t, no one would stay). Think about the nightlife, the beaches, the hangout joints and the entertainment. The one thing I would say is that if you can survive living in Lagos, you can pretty much live anywhere else in the world.

If there is one piece of advise I could leave with a JJC aka newbie in Lagos is: “Don’t try and fight Lagos. Accept it for what its and find your piece of haven in it”

Lagos is a land for the smart, so be smart, have fun and enjoy the beautiful life in ‘Lasgidi’.

Unless you were born in Lagos, everyone had once been a newbie in Lagos. Share us your newbie stories, I promise I won’t laugh too hard.