A GUIDE TO VISITING EKO HOTEL ART & CRAFT MARKET

Eko hotel art and craft market is an organised creative market located in Eko hotel and suites in the heart of Victoria Island. It can be found on Plot 1415 Adetokunbo Ademola Street. The market is very similar to that in Lekki “Lekki Arts & Craft Market”. It is certainly  a smaller version of the Lekki market and its location on prime property also reflects on the prices of the pieces sold at the market. The market consists of organised stalls under one roof. Pieces range from bronze pieces to jewellery to masks (Expect to see less paintings for sale as compared to in Lekki Art Market).

This market is also home to Foreign exchange traders. Expect to find one of the best FX rates in Lagos here. Don’t forget to haggle as I have re-iterated in many of my Nigeria-related posts.

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Animal skin bags for sale

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A jewellery store which also double takes as a FX currency store

 

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 A view of a trader at his store
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The market is home to many stunning sculptures and masks

TIPS FOR WINNING BIG AT EKO HOTEL ART & CRAFT MARKET (CRAFTS OR FX)

?*TIP 1* Don’t buy from the first shop you visit (Window Shop First).
?*TIP 2* Prepare to bargain heavily (I always try to start my bid at 25% of the sellers first price).
?*TIP 3* Don’t feel pressured to buy anything (especially if you have a few days in Lagos and you can visit again). Simply collect the vendors information for future visit.
?*TIP 4* Pretend to be a local and tell the vendor that Nigeria is home so they have to give you a non-touristy price.
?*TIP 5* For FX transactions, make sure to check the black market rate first (AbokiFX) and expect to get very close to that price (If not, don’t deal)
Do you know of other hidden gems like this EKO hotel Art & Craft Market in Lagos? Please share below and don’t forget to click “recommend” if you enjoyed this post x
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The Lagos Chronicles: Driving in Lagos [Know the 10 rules]

You think you are a pretty good driver, right? You may have driven on all the roads and highways in the world but if you haven’t driven in Lagos, you simply haven’t driven at all. I actually never drove before I came to Lagos (but I had taken driven lessons in the UK but failed #StoryForAnotherDay) so the experience was very interesting given my reference point. I can categorically say that driving in Lagos is the true test of a real driver. Take it from someone who knows.

If you are planning to drive in Lagos in the nearest future or just want to be entertained, then these rules are for you:

1) If you must drive in Lagos, do so with the knowledge that everyone else is mad except yourself. Avoid every other road user and do not think that they care much about their lives or their cars as you do [especially those drivers driving recklessly when their owners are not in the car).

everyone-else-is-mad

Image: bellanaija

2) Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise. You will only blame yourself in the end. By the way, Danfo’s are yellow 10-15 seater buses as below.

imortal-danfo-drivers

Image: elombah

3) Our “Okada” (Motorcycle) riders have a pact with suicide. Avoid them like plagues.

avoid-okada

Image: lagoschamber

4) There will be traffic. It is no myth. Like many other mega cities across the world, Lagos has its own terrible gridlocks. You might need to study the system properly. Know when to leave your home and when to simply stay put.

the-traffic-in-lagos

Image: pulse.ng

5) The only time you pay for damages to a car is if you destroy at least any of the lamps. If it’s simply a bump or a scratch, just say sorry and move on! Most people don’t have insurance so don’t bring all that insurance story their way.

bump-just-move-on

Image: edforh

6) When overtaking, always turn to look at the next person eyeball to eyeball and get some sort of acknowledgment,  just because you never know! Your trafficating light is a signal for most NOT to let you overtake. That is the joy of over taking in Lagos.

overtaking-eyeball-to-eyeball

Image: deveoh

7) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole day fixing your car #TheyHaveNothingToLose

bodywork

Image: bodyworkplusltd

8) You will be scratched because the bumper-to-fender movement is most likely to get you scratched by a biker, someone riding a Keke (tricycle), a danfo (commuter bus), or yet another private road user. Take very special cars out on weekends to avoid sad stories (when I say OUT, I mean stay on the island not the mainland. Don’t be fooled, many who drive cars do not have any insurance.

bumper-to-fender-scratch

Image: naijamoderncars

9) When asking for directions, always ask at least three people. Lagosians always claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to (we are just wired that way).

asking-for-directions-in-lagos

Image: divus.cc

10) Finally, PLEASE if you get caught breaking any law by any chance, do not allow the police, traffic wardens, FRSC, Kai brigades, fire brigades, VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA to enter your car. If they happen to get in, do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle promptly). If they don’t agree to your payment amount, pretend that you are calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works). Never EVER follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay ten times more what was demanded. Also, if you’re from ABROAD, ditch that accent ASAP. 

dont-let-the-lastma-in

Image: omgvoice

Good luck driving in Lagos.

Are you a driver in Lagos? Do share any rules you think are worth knowing. Share your LAGOS DRIVING stories, I know you have many!!

A GUIDE TO KAYAKING in LAGOS

I am sure you may be a bit confused with my title but its true, Kayaking does happen in Lagos and yes on the Lagoon. I used to be on of those people that complained that “There is nothing to do in Lagos” but truth is there is and thanks to websites like NothingToDoInLagos, Lagosians have been able to unearth activities to jazz up our lives. I went Kayaking with a friend of mine and below is a video clip of our afternoon kayaking. Read on for Kayaking activity tips and how to book your session.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHYOLZPOeXE[/embedyt]

TIPS

  • Ensure to go along with a friend, the more people you have with you, the more fun you’ll probably have.
  • Bring drinks and snacks for hydration
  • I would suggest wearing sandals or flip flops (no need for fancy footwear)

OTHER INFO

  • FEE: N 6,000 Per Kayak For 4 Hours, 2,500 Per Hour for 2-3 Hours & N3,000 For 1 Hour (Fee accurate as at April 2016)
  • TIMING: Thursday & Friday 9:00AM – 6:00PM  Saturday 9:00AM – 6:00PM  Sunday 9:00AM – 6:00PM (Timing accurate as at April 2016)
  • DRESSING: Caps, Sunglasses, Sports apparel or any waterproof apparel (including ziplock bags for phones in case you want to take your camera along) is recommended

HOW TO BOOK

  • Contact NothingToDoInLagos via nothingtodoinlagos@gmail.com

 

Lagosians, What other activities are worth exploring in Lagos?

THE LAGOS CHRONICLES: Lagos through the eyes of a stranger

First things first. Who is a stranger to Lagos? A stranger is not just a foreigner in Nigeria, a stranger in our own term means someone who has never lived in Lagos, Nigeria. They have always heard stories about Lagos, either via the media or through an acquaintance that has been there before. So wherever you are reading from, if you have never been to Lagos, you are a stranger. Truth is I know all the good and the bad things you have heard about this illustrious city, but I am here not only to debunk some and also to validate some as well.

THROUGH YOUR EYES:

Lagos is very dangerous

THE REALITY:

Where is safe? Well Lagos is as safe as the streets of London. There are some places in London I would not attempt to go. Truth is you need to be aware of your environment; moreover the government has really intensified their efforts in making it safer.

PIC 13. SOME OF THE ARMOURED PERSONNEL CARRIERS INAUGURATED BY GOV. BABATUNDE FASHOLA OF LAGOS STATE IN LAGOS ON TUESDAY (25/10/11).

Image: beegeagle

THROUGH YOUR EYES:

If you come to Lagos, you can get a job within the twinkle of an eye.

THE REALITY:

Lagos is for the smart and industrious, some of the people making it big here found their niche and didn’t wait for white-collar jobs. The chances are fairer that other states but then so are the chances in America but some people are still suffering there.

jobs-in-lagos2

Image: gotoshool

THROUGH YOUR EYES:

Lagos is for workaholics and there is no time for relaxation

THE REALITY:

You are right on the work angle but surely there is relaxation in Lagos. Have you seen the Lagosians do nightlife (I guess not)?. The city never sleeps but certainly gets more sleep than New Yorkers. After the stressful weekday, Lagosians know how to unwind at several spots such as the beach, boat clubs and sports clubs to mention a few. And the weekends? Just stop by at an event centre next to you, you would be sure to get free entertainment at any “Owambe” (Party).

enjoyment-in-lagos2

Image via hotels.ng

THROUGH YOUR EYES:

Lagos is the place to get high class BAEs

THE REALITY:

You are right on that, if you are looking for high class BAE. Not that you cannot get them elsewhere but Lagos has them in abundance but then I must warn you, there are specific places to get the high class ones (I will talk about that another day).

 

Women at a fashion show in Lagos

Image: s3.amazonaws

THROUGH YOUR EYES:

The cost of living in Lagos is too high.

THE REALITY:

Though the cost of rent in Lagos is high but then other things such as food are cheap. Just don’t enter those fancy supermarkets in VI & Co. and you will be sure to save yourself some millions 🙂

cost-of-living-in-lagosImage: howafrica

Lagos is a beautiful city and you are definitely going to love it with it’s the fast life, authentic food, vibrant entertainment and so much more.

So have I changed your perception of Lagos?

What are your other perceptions about Lagos? Tell me and I will let you know if you can bank on them or not.

4 essential rules to adhere to as a wedding guest in Nigeria

Wedding parties in Nigeria are truly the greatest! They are colourful, vibrant and full of people who are either genuinely in high-spirit for the couples or simply want to pre-drink before they heard to the club. There is no party like our party anywhere else in the world! Nigerian parties have the best Jollof rice, and any party with Jollof rice is always a party worth attending. The music is also as fleek and groovy as the dance moves that accompanies it. And if you have crazy friends, be sure that they would make you feel giddy and excited like it were there own party as well. Anyway, the last part may be the only thing liable to have glitches – “PEOPLE”. There is just a thin line between making someone’s party memorable for them and turning it into a nightmare. Many people can’t tell the difference. That’s why I have created this four important rules for all party guests in Nigeria. So you can tell when you have or are beginning to cross the line.

1. DO NOT OUT-DRESS THE HOST

Whatever party you attend, I know you want to slay. It is perfectly alright to look gorgeously dressed. However try not to overdo it. Especially at weddings. Do not outshine the bride! Do not wear anything white, or even remotely so. You can wear something with a touch of white to a wedding but try not to be a deliberate attention-grabber.  Your host may not show displeasure but you have somehow taken their show and this is selfish. Some people even go as far as deliberately wearing something different from the dress code. Don’t be that person. If they want black and gold, go in black and gold or anything close. Because the party is theirs, not yours.

2. DO NOT BRING AN UNINVITED PERSON ALONG

If an invitation was sent to you which admits only you to a party, do not try to smuggle in someone else. People make plans based on an expected number of people. You would be turning their event into a nightmare if they do not have enough to cater for everyone present because people like you brought in more people. If your friends want to tag along, make sure you request the host’s consent. However in Nigeria, some people just do not like to hear about parties and not show up. 

3. PHOTOGRAPHY NOT PAGEANTRY

Photography is meant to capture all the beautiful moments and its importance cannot be over-emphasized. When you see a professional cameraman, do not jump in front of it as though it is a documentary about you. We all know you want to be featured on Bella Naija but have some self restraint. You brought along your own phone (and extra battery and “LuMee” light) so make good use of it and snapchat all you want but let the photographers capture the moments that matter most to the celebrant. Also when taking pictures with the host, unnecessary and silly face-making is annoying and distracting. Don’t draw attention to yourself (Pictures are pretty when you smile simply).

4. GIVE GIFTS 

I know you probably bought an Aso-ebi of N20,000 and you think you have done well. The good gesture of handing celebrants and couples gifts at their events is a timeless tradition.  When you give out gifts, it is an opportunity to send a goodwill message or prayers. And also shows that you are not a freeloader but a person genuinely celebrating others. Remember that the cost of putting together that wedding dwarfs the cost of your aso-ebi and make-up

Finally, keep to all the above rules.

Do you adhere to any of the rules above when attending parties in Nigeria?  Tell me what other rules you think people should follow.

Image: Adufe’s Blog

6 THINGS I NEVER DO ON BEACHES IN LAGOS

The coastal city of Lagos has some of the best beaches in Nigeria. As much as the beach can be a place to unwind and let loose, there are certain things I wouldn’t do on beaches in Lagos. Whether it be Elegushi beach, Tarkwa bay, Eleko or the many likes, my sentiment remains the same. The exception being a super private beach.

1) GO WITH A BIKINI

The beach is a place to show a bit of skin but truth is a considerable amount of Nigerians are quite conservative (at least in public). As much as I may want to look sexy and free at the beach, I simply “leave the bikini at home” or keep it tucked under my dress. Doing otherwise will ensure that I would have nominated myself as the entertainment for the day (And trust me, no one wants to be the entertainment except those ones that are looking for business *wink*).

2) PDA

If you happen to be going to the beach in Lagos with you boo, it is advisable to get over the need to “express your love” (aka konji). Try making out as much as you want before hitting the beach. Lagosians do not take to kindly to people doing the things they assume should be left reserved for the bedroom out in the open. They may not hesitate to express their disgust. 

3) MOVE INTO CROWDS

Unless I am planning to donate to pickpockets and petty thieves, I avoid crowds at beaches. It is advisable to remain far away from crowds. If people gather around you, RUN! #ThatSimple

4) SMOKE

I am not a smoker but some have said that the beach is best experienced when high. If you happen to be a smoker #notjudginghere, I would not advise you do so at the beaches in Lagos as you can’t predict what is in that roll up.

5) SWIM

I know what you’re thinking, “That’s the reason I ventured here in the first place” right?. I don’t (and no one does) take chances given I know people have drowned in the past (The overly adventurous ones). And truth is very few of our beaches have coastal lifeguards stationed around the beach so why take such a risk.

6) LITTER

A number of the beaches in Lagos are undeniable untidy because of the inability of visitors to refrain from dropping litter. So whenever you visit any of the beaches in Lagos, try as much as possible not to drop any litter.

 

The beaches in Lagos are beautiful places to relax and really switch off from the bustle of Lagos during the weekends. I think to sum up, I am simply advising you not to lose yourself and think you’re abroad in the west. Understand Lagos beach etiquette.

Have you been to a beach in Lagos? Any thing stick out to you. Let me know

The Lagos Chronicles: The Travails of the “Danfo” Bus Passenger

The ‘Danfo’ bus is a passenger bus that operates in Lagos and carries approximately 16-18 passengers. They play an essential role in the lives of millions of Lagosians, including myself (I used to board 7 of them on average every week whilst I was younger, growing up in Nigeria).

As much as these Danfo Buses are useful, most of we the passengers have lots of tales of woes to tell and sometimes the drama is not necessarily from the crazy Danfo drivers and their conductors. It is from the well “interesting” passengers.

These buses carry a mix of characters i.e. “The gentle”, “The angry, “The born-again” (aka serious Christians) and so on. Are you ready to find yourself among this list below or at least to be entertained (if this whole concept and experience is new to you as you are chauffeur -driven)

– THE SCREAMERS

Are you that passenger that is always with N1000 or N500 note for just a N50 bus fare? Then when the conductor proceeds to give you change less that N50, you would start screaming at the top of your voice for N50 change? Please behave yourself please, everyone is looking for change so please find your change before entering and disturbing us or didn’t you hear “enter with your change?”
the-screamer-with-change2

Image: techcabal

– THE SLEEPERS

If it’s around 5am-7am, it’s acceptable to sleep but for those who use their heads to disturb people’s shoulders at 12pm or 6pm, I tire! You entered the bus single and now you have bae. If you are one of those who can’t but sleep, please do it with swag aka style. Don’t always hit your head on the person in front or beside you. Remember, you are not in the four corners of your home.

sleeping-in-a-danfo2

Image: naij

– THE ARGUERS

You won’t even know what caused the argument. Before you know it, you will just start hearing noise “Buhari is this…”, “Fashola is that…”. Please, if you are one of them, stop disturbing the Danfo community and if you are just an onlooker, please don’t interfere o, because before you know it someone can start breaking bottles.

arguer-in-a-danfo-bus

Image:  adelove

– THE AMEBO

You would think you and this person went to the store together and bought 50% of your phone. They have no shame in ogling at your chats or whatever you are doing with your phone at that particular time. They even have the audacity to give some advice based on your personal chats #Facefrontbusybody!

on-phone-in-bus2

Image: aderonkebamidele

– THE LYING LIONS

The confident way this person will keep lying to the person on the other side of the phone that he is at “Jibowu” when in fact he is in “Festac” would surprise you. You would even want to be double check that you boarded the right bus.

lying-lion2

Image: zikoko

– THE PASTORS

Yes, the pastors! They literally turn the entire trip into a complete Sunday service with testimony and offering. Once you hear ‘Praise the lord”, get ready. Can we just travel in peace? Telling them to be quiet will be like telling God you don’t want to hear his word so you just suck it up #NoOneIsReadyToOffendGodHere

pastor

Image: encomium

My mantra whenever I used to enter the Danfo bus was to respect myself, hold my change, plug my earphones in my ears and listen to my music. No drama for me please.

Which category do you belong to? Got any Danfo Bus story? Sharing is caring *winks*

The art of Gatecrashing aka #Mogbomoya: How to do it well in Lagos and beyond

Unlike in the west where gatecrashing is not something one would dream of doing, in Nigeria we do it different.  In Lagos, Nigeria, gatecrashing is something most us have done and will continue to do in the future. Imagine it’s the weekend and you have no party plans but you have a mission to have a good time nevertheless..what to do? Truth is there are numerous events happening aka weddings but we all know that gatecrashing parties in Lagos has become much harder than before. Some parties now require an invitation with unique bar codes for entry (and the organizers will still place a bouncer in front of the venue like it’s Quilox nightclub).

But not to worry, I have some simple effective gatecrashing (aka. Mogbomoya) tips for you. With these tips, you can forever grate crash (not that I always do or do I? *wink*) any party.

 

CHOOSE THE PARTY WISELY

You should know exactly what you want out of the party from the onset. Is it the party jollof? the souvenirs? Or the best man? Once you know what you want, then you can select the party wisely. Also make sure to look at the party’s hashtag on instagram to check out the calibre of party this is. You should always gate-crash with purpose. This crucial step in choosing the party wisely will ensure you fulfil your purpose. If your plan was to bag a billionaire, I doubt gate crashing a cheap wedding would be smart on your part given the investment you make have to put into it.

choosing-wisely Image:  jaguda

 

DRESS THE PART

Some people stick out like a sore thumb. Dress up like it’s yours cousin’s wedding. Tie your gele (aka head tie) properly and make sure your make-up is on point (Everyone is a make-up artist nowadays so this there is no excuse for any sub par looking face). Upon entering into the party, make sure you enter with confidence such that any bouncer would think twice before asking you where you are going.

dress-the-part

Image: nairaland

 

DON’T BE EARLY

This is a rookie mistake (and shame on you if you are Nigerian too, you know better than to be early or on time for an event). You don’t really want to venture into a party when the bouncers are still in full action. Go when the party is in full swing and when the people in attendance are more than the bouncers can handle.

dont-be-early

Image via privatereview.com

 

STYLISHLY WALK-IN

As you proceed to the entrance of the hall, wait until you see a very large group of people entering and quickly attach yourself to the group. Then, pretend to be on the phone as you walk in BUT don’t walk too fast. If one of the bouncers tries to stop you, give him the ‘you must be mad’ look (all Nigerians have perfected this look…if you have Nigerian friend, ensure they show you the look) and brush past.

stylishly-walk-in

Image: todaygh

 

POSITION YOUR SEAT STRATEGICALLY

Now what’s the point of getting into the Owambe #PARTY, blending in, and not getting what you came for (whether it be food or a man/woman or a connect). To make sure you are strategically well positioned, I would advise to sit close to the bridal train. The best things always find themselves there.

seating-position

Image: molarawood.blogspot

 

The truth is we all gatecrash weddings (some more often than others) and but no one wants to be known as a gate-crasher. The gatecrashing business is not for the slow ones, you must be eagle-eyed and smart to come out on top.

Have I helped or at least entertained you? Share with me some #mogbomoya tips, (oh I know you have them). I can’t wait to hear them.

How to date in cosmopolitan cities like Lagos

Lagos, Nigeria is a city of Love Love Love….I LIE. Lagos is not for the faint-hearted. This highly populated city will chew innocence out of you and you will look back reminiscing on how dumb you were. Dating in lagos takes skills, skills you better learn quick and hopefully not through experience. That quote about how experience is the best teacher doesn’t work here. Listening to other people’s experience is the best teacher. Learning from the mistakes of others is the best teacher. Here are my own tips to dating in Lagos:

TIP 1: Date silently

Just because you are dating doesn’t mean you need to announce it on a radio station. Are you to first to go on a date??

TIP 2: Date quietly

As much as Lagos has some really well known cool spots to hang out i.e. Maison Farenheit, Eko Hotel, Angel Villa….Please AVOID them all. Look for unknown new spots to explore. You don’t want to be bumping into everyone whilst you are trying to figure out whether this hottie is the real deal or not. You know how Lagosians spread rumours and thrive on GIST aka GOSSIP. Please avoid being on the first page.

TIP 3: Ask blunt/Straight-to-the-point questions on the 1st or 2nd Date (I prefer 1st)

      Questions such as:

  • Are you married or divorced?
  • Do you have kids?
  • Are you currently seeing anyone?
  • Where are you in your life now when it comes to relationships?

You may disagree with me but you are setting yourself up for tears and “whys” if you don’t do yourself a favour and ask ALL the above. We all know that married men are out on the prowl as a norm so please be smart.

TIP 4: Clarify what dating is

Lagos is not the city to make assumptions (#MakeZeroAssumptions). I mean, some people date 10 people at once and see no big deal in doing so. Just enlighten yourself as to what you are getting yourself into.

TIP 5: Don’t be quick to fall in love

This tip is for the childish ones. What do you know about love? You meet him, he spends on you, flies you on a private jet, pays for your mother’s bill and suddenly you are in love. Abeg snap out of it. You might love all these things he does for you but is that love?

TIP 6: Options

Until you are in an exclusive relationship, you are a free agent. I hope you can hear me loud and clear, a FREE AGENT. #KeepYourOptionsOpen. Also keep this fact to yourself.

TIP 7: Live your life

Here I am telling you to not change your full schedule in anticiapation of this guy. Live your life full and proud. Don’t suddenly ditch all your plans to make room for him. Nothing is more attractive than a woman with her own life and vibe.

#SassyKeepingItReal #DateWisely

PLEASE share some tips that have helped or that have perhaps saved you from a lifetime of misery in your dating saga!!

 

THE PROBLEMS OF THE ‘JJC’ IN LAGOS

Welcome to Lagos aka. Lasgidi JJC! Yes! That’s what we call the newbie aka Johnny Just Come (JJC). All I can say is you are on a long thing if you do not learn fast in this bustling city (Either you catch up or get left behind, it’s that simple). Lagos is like no other city I have been to or lived in.

I am here to share with you some of the problems a ‘JJC’ in Lagos might encounter and of course the solutions (I wouldn’t leave you without help :)).

#Problem1: THE FAST LIFE

Let me share with you a story about ‘Ikenna’. Ikenna came to Lagos upon securing a great job. On his first day at work (which was on Victoria Island), he left home (the mainland) at 6.00 am on a Monday (The Lagosians are laughing right about now). He wore his nice suit, pink tie (a pretty dope one at that) and headed happily to work.

The traffic was on another level aka intense (it was Monday so you wouldn’t expect different) and just his bus approached CMS, it started raining. Well to cut the long story short, Ikenna got to work 10.16 am (I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the day went for him).

See, Lagos is all about the fast life. If you want to get to work (and you don’t own a car), you must leave home latest 5.am or you may never get there till 10.am or simply you sleep at work the day before. At the bus stop when people are struggling to enter ‘Danfo’ (our public transportation), don’t slack, join them. Even if you are in possession of a car, just be fast! Repeat after me, ‘Be Fast!’ If you don’t adopt this fast mindset, you will get trampled upon and get left behind.

 

fast-life2
Image: growingleader

#Problem2: ACCOMMODATION

Don’t be fooled by the persuasive housing agents. If you are unsure of who the owner of the house or the administrator is, don’t rent the house #JUSTDONTDOIT. They will rob you of 2 years house rent (Lagosians pay yearly rentals in this country, not monthly), commission, damages, and agreement fees. If unfortunately you enter their trap, you have paid ‘owo omogo’ (you just got duped).

Those signs that read: THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE mean serious business.

accommodation-in-lagos2

Image: cnn

#Problem3: DRIVING RULES

You bought a car and decided that you don’t want a driver. Well ensure you keep your eyes out for the traffic signs (they may well be hidden). If you’re unfortunate and enter a one-way road and LASTMA (our road traffic officers) catch you, you will curse whatever possessed you to leave home on that day.

It’s simple. Do not go against traffic rules or simply hire a driver that knows his way around. You are going to pay through your nose if you happen to encounter LASTMA. Don’t fight too much about any technicality, you will lose.

driving-in-lagos2

Image: facebook

#Problem4: STREET ETIQUETTE

Brothers and Sisters, if you see two people fighting in Lagos and you want to do ‘Mr Nice’ and you believe you should try and separate them, what can I even say to you?…Please just respect yourself and go your way. Also avoid any argument with all those ‘Agberos’ (touts) that might taunt you in the streets. It is your mother they will first abuse, not you.

manners-in-lagos2

Image: nbcnews

#Problem5: TRAFFIC

Ermm this is pretty much everybody’s problem but if you are a JJC, you might wonder if there are constant terrible accidents occurring on the road of Lagos causing the gridlocks. Don’t worry, most times it’s usually nothing (Maybe some folks arguing or a pothole). Just keep yourself entertained with the radio and if you get hungry, indulge in a bottled drink and gala from a road-side vendor and relax in your vehicle. You can even use this as a great opportunity to catch up on some sleep. Just make sure you don’t sleep and wake up in Ikorodu when you were supposed to have alighted at Ketu.

lagos-traffic2

Image: techpoint

There are certainly a lot more problems I could drum up but truth is Lagos has its perks (If it didn’t, no one would stay). Think about the nightlife, the beaches, the hangout joints and the entertainment. The one thing I would say is that if you can survive living in Lagos, you can pretty much live anywhere else in the world.

If there is one piece of advise I could leave with a JJC aka newbie in Lagos is: “Don’t try and fight Lagos. Accept it for what its and find your piece of haven in it”

Lagos is a land for the smart, so be smart, have fun and enjoy the beautiful life in ‘Lasgidi’.

Unless you were born in Lagos, everyone had once been a newbie in Lagos. Share us your newbie stories, I promise I won’t laugh too hard.