You have waited and waited, weeks, months, maybe even 7 years to hear those magical words. You’ve hinted at it, gotten your friends to hint at it (even though “when are you going to marry our friend?” isn’t a hint but you know we nigerian girls have no subtlety). You have pretty much done everything except screamed it to him but he still has not proposed to you. WHY? Here are my top 6 WHYs:
1) HE’S MARRIED
I am not even trying to be funny with this one. The truth is many married men are in fully fledged relationships with women that have zero clue about their marital status. My sister, I am sorry about this one but you will need a miracle worker to work on this one for you.
2) HE’S NOT MENTALLY READY
Just because “YOU” are ready does not mean “HE” is ready. He may still have things he wants to accomplish. Maybe he still has some maturing and growing to do. If he regularly avoids the marriage conversation, even though you know he loves and wants to marry you, it could be because he isn’t ready for the responsibility of having a family. Talk to him and see if this is indeed the case. If he is mentally not ready and you are, it is up to you to decide what is more important to you: Waiting for him or your biological clock?
3) HE HAS GOTTEN TOO COMFORTABLE
Are you living the “couple’s life” already? Are you doing all of the wifely duties without the title of “wife”? (Sorry my sister but it is your fault). Unfortunately, sometimes living with a man before marriage can put a bit of a delay on the proposal. Maybe he has simply gotten too comfortable with your living arrangement, so comfortable that he feels no need to “buy the cow” since he’s getting the milk served to him everyday already. Have a talk with him and let him know your desire to be married. Take it from there.
4) HE’S TESTING THE WATERS
If you suspect that he is not proposing to you due to another woman (or multiple women), I would not advise you to force him to do so. It won’t work. You have to decide whether it is worth staying with a man who may not want you, or whether you should call it quits. Ask yourself, “are you a library where people just come to read books they never buy?”
5) HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN
Ooops! That might sound a bit weird. Getting married and not having children is actually a big deal so maybe you partner is just a bit hesitant about having children. He knows if he gets married, the pressure to have children may be too much so he is holding off for now.
6) HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND
Arrg! This might be hard to take in but it is true. It might just be that he doesn’t just see you in that light anymore (“the wifey kind of light”) and he does not know how to tell you. This is heart-breaking I know but then that’s life for you, always throwing in spanners.
If you know you are in a good place in your relationship but marriage is important to you, you might just want to ask your partner whether wedding marriage is on the cards. Listen to what he has to say and you might receive some insights that will assist you in your next steps. If you are a good place in your relationship and marriage isn’t necessarily the end goal for you, why break a perfectly good stride by saying anything? Nevertheless, there may be endless “Whys” into why he isn’t taking the plunge and the best way to find out is to communicate. Don’t underestimate the power of communication.
Talk to him. If he says he is not sure…hmmmm my sister, use your brain to decide your next step (only you can answer what that next step is).