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The Lagos Chronicles: Why I don’t envy YOU and why…

…you SHOULDN’T envy ME?

I stepped into a supermarket deli in Lagos this weekend to get some food. I ordered a number of things. I told one lady to dish me some beans and plantain and some efo riro (i.e. a vegetable sauce). I walked further to the counters and picked a salad and coleslaw pack (not having picked up food that was being dished for me). A 40 something good-looking lady (also shopping) complimented me saying it was great that I was eating healthy and that my lifestyle looked and seemed encouraging. My response to her was “that beans and plantain being dished over there is also mine”.

She was like “wow, that is why you should never make assumptions of others, you never know what’s going on behind the scene”.

Her response drove me to write today. I live in Lagos, a city where “who you are”, “what you drive”, “where you eat”, “who you know/who you can convince people you know” and “where you live” plays a huge part in how people perceive or even treat you (From that CEO of that company to that guy that sells apples on the street – these factors affect how they treat you). I believe to a great extent people are not necessary only jealous but aspire to being perceived well-off/rich/affluent (Btw this is my own opinion o, you can disagree as much you like, that’s your own)

So why should we be weary of being jealous or envious of  one another?

 

  1. We do not know where their funds from their lifestyle came from (maybe from looting funds, pyramid scheme, LOANS??, maybe inherited, maybe company paid, maybe they went to one babalawo (oracle teller) to sacrifice a few chickens and some other things (check out #nollywood movies on youtube or ask your Nigerian friends for more explanation lol) – who knows?)
  2. We do not know what struggle they had to go through to get there (perhaps struggle you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy)
  3. Maybe the path God has destined for us is different and that is what we should spend our time embracing
  4. What we may be jealous of is perhaps the least of what fufils those people
  5. We lose sight of our own beauties and uniqueness

My hope for you is never to be jealous of others…Acknowledge what others have, their success, their drive, their achievements (YES) but don’t hope or pray for it as you could get more than you bargained for. That instagram picture or facebook gallery of that luxurious lifestyle, those luxurious bags, those amazing friendships, those amazing couples could be masking so much fakeness, unhappiness, grief, pain – who knows?

 

My hope is for you to focus you energy on YOU and YOURS so that you live YOUR life drowning in tears of happiness and success (YOUR definition of success)

What do you think of my rant today? I would love to hear your thoughts

#Sassy

“A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.”

||Lionel Shriver

 

 

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I wonder why people venture to Zurich

When I hear Switzerland, I think chocolates and luxury (What better combo?? :)). When I heard Zurich, I didn’t think much per say simply because I knew little of the city and as such had little expectation. So it has been a month since I got back from Zurich. I have been to Switzerland a few times (Geneva and Lausanne) but never to Zurich so I was definitely excited about the trip. A business school friend’s wedding party was the sole reason I ventured to this city and let’s just say I was glad I did (aside from the weather – I am sorry but the cold weather and I will never be friends).

So after my near 10 hour journey from Lagos (Nigeria), how was I to spend 3 nights in a city I knew little about about. Thankful to my friend who I shared my hotel room with who was the extraordinaiire planner, I think I did Zurich pretty well. From embarking on a guided tour of the old town to eating in an authentic Swiss restaurant to stalking Tina Turner (not quite as I only made it to her gate), I took in a lot of Zurich. Rather than bore you any longer, check out Sassy’s Zurich gallery below.

 

 

My Highlights: Views from Felsenegg

What I didn’t like: The sub-zero weather 🙁

My Overall view of the city: Fun/Efficient/Picturesque -Felt like a working city (a city where working singletons would have a blast & make a lot of money) but not necessarily one to build a family.

Have you been to Zurich before?? If so, tell me what your best highlights were? If you haven’t been, what are you waiting for? 🙂

#SassyFunke

 

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The Lagos Chronicles: The only good thing about Valentine’s day

So it’s nearly here, the day of love, the day of roses, the day of gifts . Valentine’s day means a lot to some and nothing to others. I have heard of relationships where the guy says “I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day, it’s a marketing ploy. One should be appreciated everyday and not only on Valentine’s”. My question for these guys is “do you appreciate your babe or babes every day?? (I digress).

OK, so my friends and I were gisting about why Valentine’s day is good. And what we came up with had nothing to do with gifts, roses or the works, it simply had to do with finding out whether your boo/bae/husband/main squeeze had another squeeze/side chic/main chic/side lover/bae/small chops.

  1. If he spends THE Valentines day with you (daylight time included) – YOU ARE THE BAE
  2. If he spends the night before Valentines day with you and says he has to work the next day (Vals day) or has family commitments – YOU ARE THE SMALL CHOPS
  3. If he spends 3 hours or less with you before Valentines day ends –YOU ARE STILL THE SMALL CHOPS

So I hope I have helped you in recognizing your role in your relationship( My own opinion o). Note that I am not saying being small chops is a bad thing ooo…I know some babes like being small chops (each to their own – am sure there are benefits).

What do you think of my ways to spot your role in a relationship? Please share others ways to help your sisters out there xxx

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A VISUAL GUIDE TO VISITING AWOLOWO MUSEUM AT IBEJU LEKKI

Too often many of us to do not appreciate our own history and we spend considerable time and money flying ourselves to other countries to learn about their history. When a friend of mine decided a while back that we should embark upon a trip to a beach in Ibeju Lekki, a beach with historical significance, I was sold. Ibeju Lekki is located east of Lekki. The beach of Ibeju Lekki was near the Lagos Free Trade Zone, a zone I had never been aware of. It took us approximately 2 hours from Victoria Island. 2 hours later, we stumbled upon an historical gem.

Rather than bore you with the history of the Awolowo museum at Ibeju Lekki (Chief Awolowo was one of the founding father of Nigeria btw) and the remains of the Regis Aine Factory (a slave trade company) which laid beside the beautiful beach, I’ll leave you with pictures and captions which am sure will be much easier for you to digest. Also I have a video of a Shrine we located alongside the beautiful beach. As always, I hope you enjoy and get to see a little more of my homeland and hopefully one day, make a visit.

#SassyFunke

The Shrine on the beach

Chief Awolowo On Self-Discipline
“I will, more than ever before, subject myself to severe self- discipline. Only men who are masters of themselves become easily masters of others. Therefore, my thoughts, my tongue,
and my actions shall be brought under strict control always.”
– My March Through Prison, 1985

 

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4 reasons why I am excited about 2016 and why YOU should be too!!

  • New Mistakes (DOing MORE, sayING less)

I believe this year, well each day of this year will be a chance for YOU and I to build something new, to try something and of course to let ourselves make new mistakes. I am hoping to let go of all fears and just DO, so stay tuned. Remember “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” (it could leave you broke (but money is just money), it could leave you hurt (but hurt is temporary)…what we stand to accomplish is WAY much more) so LET GOOOOO.

 

  • To see more of Africa (and the world)

I spent a considerable amount of time and money in 2015 exploring destinations from the Maldives to Jordan, Singapore to Indonesia. Even though it seems to those around me that I have explored too many places but with each trip I made, I felt that I had much more to learn about the world (I remember laying on a cruise boat in Halong bay (Vietnam) and thinking “how the hell did I not know this existed”) and I am hoping to do more exploration this year starting with a trip in less than 2 weeks (yay!!). I am also looking to explore more of the African continent, it’s very easy to focus on what is elsewhere “over there”, not realising the beauty that lays right by our feet.

 

  • Learn more about one’s self

I used to think I knew who I was 100 percent but with new experiences, challenges, LIFE hitting me, I have realized that I had changed daily. Even though the core of my beliefs have stayed the same (sometimes tested), I realize that I unlocked new facets of who Sassy is with each experience. For me this is an exciting revelation and I am looking forward to getting to know ME (the good, the bad and the ugly).

 

  • Feeling settled in my home country

If you are a regular to my blog, you will know that I recently made the move back home to Nigeria (a country which I haven’t lived in for near 14 years) having being educated and living out in the west. I am looking forward to seeing how much I would have grown (both personally and professionally – hopefully positively) here. I have only being here 4 months and loving my move thus far but I think only after living for a year will I be able to have a better perspective of how I feel about uprooting myself from the west. (This reason is a more about me so may be less relevant to you lol)

 

Why are you excited about 2016? I would love to hear YOUR thoughts, visions and plans!!! You never know how you could inspire others so don’t be shy with your words. 🙂

 

Much love

#Sassy

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The Lagos Chronicles: Why am I in love with Lagos?

You may wonder what there is in Lagos to love (being that #ThirdWorldCountry with all that bad press and so on and so forth)..Is it the traffic jams that can make a 10 minute journey last over an 1hr or the constant disrespect of time (both personally and professionally) or the sometimes over-priced, sub par restaurants? Lagos certainly has it challenges and I will not downplay them.

Some days, it takes me over an 1hr to get to work and sometimes 2 hours to get back home (thankfully I am not driving myself). Having to constantly remind people of an appointment is something I am not used to, but for my sanity, it has become a daily ritual. Knowing that I will not know how my weekend will plan out is another thing…plans change the same way the wind changes direction (but I am enjoying the unpredictability of things here).

What does my life in lagos like? To be honest my weekdays are a little boring (and so they should be, I very much like boring. Staying home, watching tv means so much to me and I am proud to say so). I am either at work, on the netball court or at the gym. Let me digress quickly into my netball sessions. These sessions where near 30 women come together to train and play sports has truly helped my perception of women in Lagos. I have grown to know and like a bunch of smart, intelligent women who to me are simply refreshing to be around (there is a no discrimination, no looking down at anyone here, the air is CLEAN). So, I try to keep my routine during the week simple and tbh I dislike when I am invited for activities during the week (please this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep inviting me o lol).

My weekends are a bit more interesting as I try to attend brunches, low key get-togethers, dinners and games nights (I am not about that club life but I can certainly have a good party once in a while lol). When I think about my life in Lagos, I realise that I could have this life anywhere (well aside from anywhere cold – I am not going back to the UK) but I have been more willing to create an ecosystem in an environment which I have chosen as ideal for me. So my love of Lagos I believe has less to do with Lagos itself and more to do with the choice I have made with making this my home and taking every step to ensure that this home is everything and more to me.

So to my most important lesson for you today, the love of anything, anywhere or anyone has not much to do with the thing, place or person but everything to do with you and your personal choice to love it or them.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you agree and if you don’t, why?

#Sassy

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The Lagos Chronicles: “You women are the worst”

Before I received my driving license here in Lagos, I went through a number of hurdles, one of which was an interview style test I had at the test centre (I am sure you will debate whether this exists but it does). I took this test amongst 4 other men. What was interesting to me was the comments made by the test administrator prior to initiating the test. He spent a few minutes talking to us about how women were bad drivers (of course apologizing to me in advance). He said there is no way a woman would allow you to overtake them and how we women were very aggressive and needed to be more courteous on the road.

A few weeks later, I made an attempt to queue up at a Mobil petrol station. I noticed two cars (with male drivers) in front of me (but on the other side of the road) making a turn around. I assumed they were turning to drive off in my direction but it seemed they were also trying to queue up. One made it in front of me, the other didn’t. They went on to give me dirty looks and throw words I couldn’t quite make out, all of which I of course ignored. Anyways fast forward, once we reached the petrol pumps and I stepped out to fill my tank, the guy in front of me at another pump came over to ask why I behaved like that. I asked him why he was being aggressive, he said and I quote “you women are the worst, you are never nice on the road, so aggressive”.

These two experiences and other similar ones I had since I have moved back made me reflect deeper as to why women were perceived this way. I realized that when women are nice or perceived sweet, they are taken advantaged of so women automatically take a defensive approach on the road (I am generalizing by the way). I think this reasoning further applies off the road. I have heard men complain that women are quick to say in regard to relationships “what do you want from me?” or “if you’re not serious about me, leave me alone” or “are we exclusive, if not leave me?” all in a bid to protect themselves. The question is can you blame them? Everyone has a natural instinct to protect one’s self from pain so maybe, just maybe it’s the experiences that we have endured that has “hardened” us. The truth is there is nothing hard about us, dig deeper and you will find that we are soft shells fearful of being taken advantage.

 

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” 
|| Marie Curie

I would love to hear you thoughts on this piece. Can you relate?

Till next time

#Sassy

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The LAGOS Chronicles: This thing called trust

I have been back in Lagos for over 2 months now and haven’t really written much about my experience thus far as I wanted to have a better picture of reality (my reality anyways). To be honest my first few weeks were not the best weeks of my time here. Not that there was anything significant made my experience less than pleasant but because I genuinely believed people weren’t that nice. They were not so welcoming.

Coming from business school where my classmates were literally like family to an environment where people barely said hi or met each other with clear reservations unless there were close mutuals of close friends. I literally was battling whether my choice to move was going to be as great as I anticipated. You will be glad to hear that I feel differently than I did before. So to dive into what I have grown to learn here…there is a lack of trust/openness amongst people (perhaps more so amongst women).

I was having coffee on a weekend with a friend and we were discussing this issue of trust. The coffee shop was like a creative space where likeminded open individuals worked. I was pleasantly surprised when a lady interjected into our conversation and a two-way conversation became a three-way one. This I found surprising as Lagos people form (Nigerian slang meaning a little up themselves) too much. We talked about how Lagosian were not themselves and also how they seeked to live the status quo (Apparently, some girls lie they have boyfriends when they don’t…This is a slight distraction so I will leave the topic for another day lol).

What do we gain from thinking we are better than others (not necessary better but maybe thinking people are “not on our level” and as such they don’t deserve our light of day?) To be honest I understand a bit why people “form”, it’s simply a coping mechanism to avoid people from over stepping their boundaries and a distrust of others. The saying “give them a inch and they take a mile” applies very much in the country.

With that said, I still believe we need to be more trusting of others, to be more open, more welcoming because what we could gain is more than anything we could lose. I have gained the best friendships of my life my simply being open. Just because others are untrustworthy doesn’t mean we should meet everyone with distrust. To change the environment we inhabit, we need to stay away from the norm and get to a place whereby we create our versions of the lives we want for ourselves, our community and our country, not the versions laid for us. That is something I am learning to do myself everyday.

 

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” || George MacDonald

#SassyFunke – Stay tuned for further posts on my move to Lagos. Let me know if there are any topics/issues you would love to hear about xx

Photo credit: http://nigeriavillagesquare.com

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The Rules Of Life

If you follow or stalk me on instagram (which you probably do because I am follow/stalk-worthy but anyways #SassyBeingSassy lol), you will know that I started to read Richard Templar’s “The Rules of Life” a few days ago. As the name suggests, it’s essentially a book of rules to guide us to get more out of life and to generally make us happier in life. One of the rules really struck me and made me realize that I have been doing somethings quite wrong.

The rule states: Know what counts and what doesn’t. It further dives in to say, “There are some things in this life that are important and a WHOLE lot of things that aren’t”. For illustrative purpose (so we get a sense of what Richard is trying to convey), spending quality with family counts, wearing the flashiest designer gear doesn’t. This particular example doesn’t relate to me but I believe what relates to me is that I know what doesn’t count and what counts but I believe I don’t do enough of what counts.

To break it down more, what counts is what enriches your soul, what grows you from within, what is positive and encouraging. What doesn’t count is those things that lack substance, those things that will feed our ego but leave us completely empty at the speed of light. It is not enough to know these things but everything to act upon what we know.

So my short word (aka two cents, aka freebie, aka lottery win) for you today is simple…Know what doesn’t matter and invest ZERO in it, Find what matters and invest EVERYTHING into it.

Can you relate to this rule? Do you have different thoughts? I would love to hear them!

 

There are some things in this life that are important and a whole lot of things that aren’t
|| Richard Templar
#SassyFunke
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Really, who are you?

This one was inspired from the sermon I had in church last Sunday. The sermon was focused on identity and giving us time to truly explore who we are (if we actually have an idea). The underlying message of the sermon was that we needed to understand who we were in God. The focus of the post isn’t religious but I believe it will have a significant meaning for every person reading this post.

The pastor used an example to explain to which I will share. She said imagine President Buhari (the current president of Nigeria). He is sure to know who he is, meaning he knows his worth, his struggle, the core of his being. So imagine he is then told that there is a meeting to attend and they brought a “Molue” (Image shared below) to him as his mode of transport.

molue

She then asked “do you think he would get in?” The answer from the room was an uncontested “NO”. She said he would probably look at them and say that they made a mistake and brought this truck look-a-like to the wrong place.

The lesson she tried to instil was that President Buhari was so sure in his worth and being that he had lines and boundaries that were so clear to him that nothing unworthy could cross it. So the question I pose to you is, are you so sure in your being, do you know who you are that your lines and boundaries are so clear that even in the storm, you would still be able to recognise them?

She dived on to say that we needed to ensure that our identity is derived from the right place, a place so deeply rooted. Money or lack of it, where you work or where you don’t, who you know and who you do not know should not be our identity, it shouldn’t define us because if it does, who we are will be shake-able. So who are YOU?

I would love to hear  you thoughts

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” || Oscar Wilde

#SassyFunke