#SASSYFUNKE

A few weeks ago, about 45 of us MBA students spent the best part of our semester break in Abu Dhabi taking a negotiations course. It was a pretty intense week with 8.30am starts and the average day ending at 9.30pm. I think the majority of us who we went into the course were trying to find the best way to negotiate a great salary package given we were all going to be immersed in recruiting activities shortly after. The course was pretty rewarding in that I felt I learnt so much and whilst I would not call myself a guru in negotiations, I can say that I am armed with a framework that would assist me positively in such situations. The core of my post has nothing to do with the content of the course itself but focuses simply on the final words of our renowned professor on our closing day.

He concluded by saying to us, “You will all make money in your lifetime so don’t be worried about money as it is just a small composition of what would be meaningful in your life so it is important to ensure that those other things are taken care of too (things like family etc) .”

I don’t think he could have closed the day any better. I personally was waiting the whole week to get to that point where we would spend a considerable amount of time on salary negotiation which we did (we all want to be rich, right?). So I guess the personal learnings for me were as follows: I should be careful not to base what I value (my perception of richness), my life’s value solely on the zeros in front of a dollar sign, that I should not focus what I consider fulfillment and success on what the world typically views it as and I need to carefully decide what RICHNESS means to me. It could mean having little to no money, and working for a NGO in Africa or it could mean having a yacht and owning penthouses around the world and having no time or it could possibly mean a life where I don’t have significant amount of money but I have enough time to share with those I love (that in itself is some valuable sort of currency, don’t you think?). I think you get the idea. It’s important to determine what being rich means for you not just in monetary terms but also in other currencies not so often talked about by the world. 

With that I leave you.

#SassyFunke

“It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.” –George Lorimer

A few weeks ago, I got off a near 8-hour flight from Singapore to Abu Dhabi and as I stepped off the plane and stepped unto the transfer bus from the runway en-route to the arrival terminal, I met a near 75 year-old man. He sat next me as we took the 10-minute transfer bus. He proceeded to ask me what I was doing there in Abu Dhabi; I responded that I was studying there for the week. He introduced himself as a Christian missionary from Papua New Guinea travelling from Australia and how he was returning to his home in the UK where he wasn’t looking forward to given the terrible weather but that he was excited about going back to his wife. He then started asking for my life history and I obliged. When I got to the part where I mentioned I used to work in banking for 6 years, he stopped me with “Really, you don’t seem like the type”. I further engaged with him to ask why he felt so. He responded with “I have only met you for a few minutes but you, with your energy and personality seem more of a creative than a bank worker”. He left me with “You were probably wasting your talent there and it’s a good thing you are not there anymore so use your talent better” (So blunt, no?).What really got me was how someone I had never met, someone that didn’t know me was able to deduce so quickly and come to a conclusion on what I should be doing. Let me first say that banking definitely provided me with some core learning’s that I needed over the years but deep down I knew all along I was under-serving myself, I knew I wasn’t at my destination yet. At times, we ourselves know where we best fit, it’s crystal clear perhaps not so where we should be but more so where we shouldn’t be.

So the question I have for you is, do you feel you are where it feels right, where the key fits the lock? Not only where it feels right in terms of your career, but also in terms of your friendships, your relationships, your life. If not, why are you there? Why aren’t you moving towards where you will feel truly ALIVE? Ask yourself WHY?

“We may place blame, give reasons, and even have excuses; but in the end, it is an act of cowardice to not follow your dreams.” 
― Steve Maraboli

  Recently I had a conversation with a friend and in that conversation, we discussed how she felt rejected by a guy she really grew to like and how she didn’t understand that someone like her was rejected (Tbh, I didn’t understand it either, she is pretty, had a great personality and the works but I guess I’ll never understand how Eric Benet lost Halle Berry). She said she needed closure as to why this was the case (I was surprised given this whole rejection happened nearly 3 months ago). My response was possibly harsh but I feel its a lesson to us all (FYI /Warning!! you need to be thick-skinned to have me as a friend). My words were “why are you upset with this rejection? Someone doesn’t want to be with you, what’s so wrong with that? It’s not a reflection of who you are, it’s a choice made of preference and everyone is entitled to that choice”. Her response was that no one had ever rejected her before and so its was an awkward feeling to deal with. I think she felt I was being a little mean but I hope she understood that I was coming from a good place.This whole conversation made me later reflect on life as a whole and on how we are so afraid of rejection, afraid of not being accepted, so afraid of not being wanted and so afraid of FAILURE. I began to reflect more on why we are so afraid and I have come to my conclusion that the reason lies in the fact that we were brought up in a society that praises success and diminishes failure. We see failure as a stigma, a plague, a disease, something we don’t want the world to know about,  something we don’t want to be associated with and something we keep hidden. We never celebrate rejection or failure, do we?

The thing we as human beings forget is that failure and rejection is part and parcel of life. We forget that it is actually the lessons from failure that propel us to success.  The moment we understand this, the quicker we can take the lessons from them and truly live boldly.

I left her with this phrase which I also leave you with: “Remember that everything is not meant for you, and you are not meant for everything or everyone and remember that there is nothing wrong with that”

#SassyFunke

#Till next time

   Most people that know me see my as the fun-loving, forever happy person and I often get asked whether I am ever sad. Whenever I am asked this, I just smile because only I know my own story. Most people don’t know I am quite spiritual. I may not read a bible verse everyday, I may be perceived as the social butterfly, but I feel so connected to God and he is no doubt the core of my being and existence. I have a story for you, maybe two. Years ago, I went through two events in life that shook my earth. One was a break-up in a relationship. It shook my earth because in the process I felt I lost a friendship that meant the world to me and till today, it’s a loss I wish I could have done without. The second was painful on a scale I never thought humanly possible and it was when I nearly lost my mother (as I write this, the tears still flow) to an illness. I blamed the world, my family, God, everyone. Thankfully she has now fully recovered.I remember months after these experiences, I went to my church at the dominion theatre in London as I normally do with a friend and what happened next was a little overwhelming. I sat down and I couldn’t stop crying for the entire service for no good reason. I remember my friend asking me if I was ok to which I responded yes (To be honest, I was confused as to my I was crying, I hardly ever shed tears for anything or anyone). I was ok but I felt a sense of relief and a presence letting me know that it was ok for me to feel weak, to feel sad, to feel pain but that it would all be ok, and that I would face further trials and tribulations in life but that I should know that it will all be ok and that I wasn’t alone in it.

Some of you will read this and think ‘oh my, she has gone and lost it’ (haha, maybe I have but who knows). But the powerful thing that experience in church had on me that day changed my life forever. It changed the way I viewed setbacks, hurt, tribulations and trials. I saw these things as ‘OK’. Meaning it’s ok for these experiences to come into my life, its ok for them to try and shake me up but the change now is that I don’t entertain them in defining who are I am. I don’t give them the arena to manifest and build castles around in my life. Because of this experience, my life has been more fulfilled, more enriched. People often ask how I find it easy to move on from trials, problems, drama and the rest and I simply say that whilst these trials are all part and parcel of life, they only represent a drop of salt in what is an ocean that represents my life. They don’t affect or define me unless I let them do so. Yes, THAT SIMPLE.

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

#SassyFunke

Too often, we seek not only the acceptance of others but their go ahead for us to take plunges. Sometimes we need their validation to make our move. Why do we do this? Why do we rely on others to make decisions for us? Why do we wait for a stamp of approval from humans before we find our own way as if to suggest we are less human?I am always saying to a good friend of mine that people only have power or feel powerful because we give them that power by making them feel more than ourselves. Take away the way we view powerful people and how you perceive them (and how you make them feel) and they become powerless in a flash. But even more powerful is the notion that others don’t have the answers to any of our questions…they have answers but those aren’t ours, it their answers.

I think this is self-destructive behavior that I practice too frequently…. I am constantly asking for re-enforcement of my beliefs…I am always asking for validation in my decisions, my plans. Maybe’s it’s because I am cautious or maybe its because I don’t trust myself. I hate that part of me to be honest. I am the author of my life. I am in the best position to direct my life. I have lived it for so long and I am in the best position to decide our my future should look like

Something so trivial as whether or not to take a trip this weekend became a topic of conversation I had with way too many individuals even to the point that I was irritating myself. But I stopped when I asked a fellow classmate and her the answer to her my question was simple; she said, “Do what makes you happy, what you feel like because ultimately that’s what matters”.

It was an important statement for me, more so as I am mid way of my MBA and I am trying to really narrow on my career path post MBA. It’s such a beautiful experience to be surrounded by such smart, intelligent beings that truly make me view the world more differently, beings that make me feel like anything is truly possible but I have to keep reminding myself that their path is not mine, yes I want to be inspired but I don’t want to lose my own way.

So to you my powerful beings, own your destiny and trust your journey, the process and know that only you can write your story.

#SassyFunke

Today’s post is all about ‘Beauty’. To make sure I understood what this really meant I quickly googled the term (my close friend Amanda would tell you how much I overuse google to search random things…She would ask me any question and I would always have a response and if I didn’t, I simply said ‘google knows’). I am digressing as usual. So beauty according to the cambridge dictionary is: the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially when you look at it.Some people see beauty as vanity. For example, they see the use of make-up as a cover up the ‘real’ self. They view women that focus on and spend considerable about of money on looking good as extremely vain. Some believe that the act of bleaching one’s skin is not beauty. I disagree (not that I bleach my own skin or think it’s appropriate).

So what are my thoughts on beauty? Beauty can be about makeup or implants or looking lighter, it can be about waking up ‘flawless’ (no makeup at all) #IWokeUpLikeThis. It could be about being a size zero model and it could be about having some flesh. For me, beauty is simple. It’s about being comfortable in your skin (with or without any enhancements you see fit). It’s about conveying a message to your inner self that says ‘I am ME and I am loving me, flaws, implants and all’. It’s about being confident that what you are is FABULOUS whether anyone else thinks so or not. It’s about living life on your terms.

So what’s the lesson here? Simply that beauty is not defined by one person, that it is unique and that we all have the power to define what beautiful is and as such we shouldn’t take to heart when the world doesn’t think we are beautiful. Know that you and only you define beauty and as such it is imperative to own that power to define your own kind of beautiful everyday. So stay beautiful, always.

#SassyFunke

Those were a few of the words that spilled out from an unexpected source at a social function this week. I was at an event and a fellow classmate out of nowhere (and I mean nowhere) showered me with compliments that I couldn’t handle. The reason why I bring this up isn’t to raise my ego to a level higher than it currently is (Sassy has a big EGO #beyonce #Ialwaysdigress). I bring it up because for some reason it meant a lot to me. I am not one short of receiving compliments so it was not a matter ‘oh my, I have never received compliments before’. It meant a lot because it came from a place of total genuineness with no intention whatsoever.I think in life we forget at times how important it is to celebrate others, its important to understand that by shining the light on others doesn’t mean we dim the light on ourselves. I think its key to note that we hold so much power than we care to admit and that using that power in simple ways can potentially change the lives of others in greater ways.

For me, the compliment bestowed on me made me feel pretty special because it really dived into the core of my personality and who I was and for me, that someone was able to see through to that and deliver that back to me was something remarkable.

So today, I encourage YOU and I to celebrate others, to be truly genuine and be unselfish with our words. Who knows what impact our words may have on others. We have nothing to lose by sharing love in simple ways, so let’s share away.

#SassyFunke

Last week, I stepped out of a building on Orchard road in Singapore and approached a blue colored cab parked at a taxi bay. I was on my way back to school to attend a 2pm class. I had come to Orchard road to attend an appointment for a Cambodian visa application. The conversation that occurred in that cab was one that I wasn’t ready for. It hit me hard. Barely a week into my 2-month exchange program in Singapore, I was about to experience some bluntness in an unexpected environment.

Cab Driver: Where are you going to?
SassyFunke: 1 Ayer Rajah Avenue
Cab Driver: So what do you do in Singapore?
SassyFunke: I am studying here
Cab Driver: Where are you from?
SassyFunke: Nigeria
Cab Driver: So you’re Nigerian, can I be honest with you?
SassyFunke: Sure
Cab Driver: When I saw you, I thought you were a call girl and initially didn’t want to pick you up because you were African
SassyFunke: Wow
Cab Driver: It’s not you, it’s just that there are a lot of Africans in Singapore here that are call girls and on Orchard road, they tend to be in numerous numbers in the evening and you know I have been approached too etc.

The conversation continued pleasantly into how he lived in Nigeria and worked for Virgin Nigeria in the aviation industry etc. and how he loved the culture and life there. He said he knew the way he had thought was wrong and that he shouldn’t have judged because I was of African descent. I will stop with my story telling here.

To be honest, I wasn’t angry at his openness of what he thought I was. I was sad, sad not because he offended me (I have learnt a long time ago not to be affected by people’s opinion of me #IfYouDontPayMyBillsYourOpinionOfMeIsIrrelevant *Inside Nigerian Joke*) but sad that people still thought this way and were prepared to make decisions based on such stereotyping. I was also glad he said it as he was able to admit that his way of thinking was wrong. Perhaps I am naive but I refuse to see color or race in the world or make actionable judgements based on it. But this moment really was a eye-opener into how much potential damage stereotyping stands to have in our world.

I remember the story I read in the paper of Oprah going into a designer shop in Switzerland a few years ago and when she asked to see a bag she liked and the shopkeeper responded with ‘No, it was too expensive’.

It hurts to know that the world still has a lot to learn. The world needs to know that stereotyping doesn’t deserve a place on our planet. We stand to lose a lot more from it than gain. I personally am in love with diversity, oddness and differences as it see them as opportunities to learn and develop and see the world through different eyes. I don’t understand why anyone would ever rob themselves of this remarkable joy.

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” – Gandhi

Till next time

#SassyFunke

The lessons for today are pretty simple. One is that we shouldn’t let our emotions, behaviours and feelings be driven so much by simple actions that take a milli-second to make, little actions that at times give little substance. The other is that if you feel there is something you want to share to the world, share it LOUD, don’t hold back because you do not ha