6 reasons he has not yet proposed

You have waited and waited, weeks, months, maybe even 7 years to hear those magical words. You’ve hinted at it, gotten your friends to hint at it (even though “when are you going to marry our friend?” isn’t a hint but you know we nigerian girls have no subtlety). You have pretty much done everything except screamed it to him but he still has not proposed to you. WHY? Here are my top 6 WHYs:

1) HE’S MARRIED

I am not even trying to be funny with this one. The truth is many married men are in fully fledged relationships with women that have zero clue about their marital status. My sister, I am sorry about this one but you will need a miracle worker to work on this one for you.

Image: adsoftheworld

2) HE’S NOT MENTALLY READY

Just because “YOU” are ready does not mean “HE” is ready. He may still have things he wants to accomplish. Maybe he still has some maturing and growing to do. If he regularly avoids the marriage conversation, even though you know he loves and wants to marry you, it could be because he isn’t ready for the responsibility of having a family. Talk to him and see if this is indeed the case. If he is mentally not ready and you are, it is up to you to decide what is more important to you: Waiting for him or your biological clock?

Image: thetalko

3) HE HAS GOTTEN TOO COMFORTABLE

Are you living the “couple’s life” already? Are you doing all of the wifely duties without the title of “wife”? (Sorry my sister but it is your fault). Unfortunately, sometimes living with a man before marriage can put a bit of a delay on the proposal. Maybe he has simply gotten too comfortable with your living arrangement, so comfortable that he feels no need to “buy the cow” since he’s getting the milk served to him everyday already. Have a talk with him and let him know your desire to be married. Take it from there.

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4) HE’S TESTING THE WATERS

If you suspect that he is not proposing to you due to another woman (or multiple women), I would not advise you to force him to do so. It won’t work. You have to decide whether it is worth staying with a man who may not want you, or whether you should call it quits. Ask yourself, “are you a library where people just come to read books they never buy?”

Image: theodysseyonline

5) HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN

Ooops! That might sound a bit weird. Getting married and not having children is actually a big deal so maybe you partner is just a bit hesitant about having children. He knows if he gets married, the pressure to have children may be too much so he is holding off for now.

Image: askralphblog

6) HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND

Arrg! This might be hard to take in but it is true. It might just be that he doesn’t just see you in that light anymore (“the wifey kind of light”) and he does not know how to tell you. This is heart-breaking I know but then that’s life for you, always throwing in spanners.

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If you know you are in a good place in your relationship but marriage is important to you, you might just want to ask your partner whether wedding marriage is on the cards. Listen to what he has to say and you might receive some insights that will assist you in your next steps. If you are a good place in your relationship and marriage isn’t necessarily the end goal for you, why break a perfectly good stride by saying anything? Nevertheless, there may be endless “Whys” into why he isn’t taking the plunge and the best way to find out is to communicate. Don’t underestimate the power of communication.

Talk to him. If he says he is not sure…hmmmm my sister, use your brain to decide your next step (only you can answer what that next step is).

December 9, 2016December 15, 2016

10 ways to thrive as a side chick

It is only fair that I elaborate on what a side chick is for those innocent ones amongst us. Just the way sweet potato fries accompanies steak at a meal, a side chick accompanies a wife or main girlfriend. Now all you “mains” (aka wives or main girlfriends) don’t need to start raising your eyebrows at me, I am just trying to help some sisters out. Moreover if you were doing your job, your man might not have had to source a side chick (you can shoot me now..haha).

Okay so first things first, we all know being a side chick is not as easy as it sounds and if you want to be a certified side chick you have to know your onions. To assist you in your craft, I am going to give you ten ways to succeed in your role so stay glued. And for those “mains”, this will serve as a sneak peek into how that other woman has a hold on your man.

1) LET HIM BREATH

We get it, all girls need some fair amount of attention but no dear, you cannot demand the kind of attention he gives his wife/main bae as the case may be. Give him space! Go out with your girlfriends, go to the movies, bag another man, keep busy. Do not for one second think that he will come running every second you need him. If you understand that, then you would save yourself the cash you would have wasted on pain killers and therapy sessions when he doesn’t call for days because he is celebrating his 5th wedding anniversary with his wife and kids.

Image: myexperience

2) NO DRAMA (KNOW YOUR ROLE)

This is important. If you are a side chick, drama is never good for your market. You cannot be starting up fights or get angry because he forgot your birthday (Is he your mother???). When you hear around town that he is about marry his main girlfriend this coming weekend, you cannot show up at the church waiting for your cue when the pastor says “Anybody knows why these two…….”. Again darling, NO DRAMA! #KnowYourPlace

Image: commons.wikipedia

3) AVOID HAVING THE “TALK”

Yes I know things can get pretty heated and you are catching feelings, day dreaming of paradise; thinking you’re the ‘main’ girlfriend that you well know you are not. When you feel the urge to have the “talk”, DON’T! Refrain from asking him questions like “What are we doing?” or Where is this going?” Those kinds of questions will push him away fast. My sister, you know exactly what you are both doing. #AgainKnowYourPlace

Image: 123rf

4) NO JEALOUSY

This is a no brainer. If you are a side chick, you don’t have privileges of questions such as: “Where were you?”, “Why didn’t you call me?”, “Who were you on the phone with?” etc. especially if you want to keep the relationship going. These are not side chick questions, so keep the jealousy away. Your questions should be stress-free messages of excitement, adventure and satisfaction.

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5) ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST

As a side chick, you have to always be on point. You are not his “main” so you don’t get to hang around him in sweats. Stay in shape, don’t get fat and always keep up with the latest fashion trends. #ThisIsPreciselyWhatYouWereRecruitedFor

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6) SKILLS

I know you know I am not talking interpersonal skills here. I am talking about your bedding skills. As I mentioned previously: keep up with the trends, be creative and all is well with you.

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7) DON’T DREAM

Just because he flew you on his private jet to Monaco for a luxurious weekend, you can’t start drawing castles in the sky. Don’t get dreamy or desperate. Keep your hopes to yourself and don’t make him feel you are going to start reading meanings into his ‘I want you”, “I want to leave her for you” text. #StayInYourLane

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8) KEEP THINGS INTERESTING

Whenever he is with you, keep the conversation interesting. Your main responsibility as a side chick is to keep things fun and exciting. Surprise him. Do whatever you have to do to keep things exciting, as long as it feels natural. Just don’t go overboard by showing up unannounced just because he said the whole family were on vacation (He might be with Side Chick No. 3).

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9) LET HIM BE BOSS/CALL THE SHOTS

Unfortunately, because he is the one having the affair you have to let him take the lead. If he wants to see you, he will summon you. This is especially true at night; don’t try to call or text him late at night or his “main” may see your text and things could go south (I’ve heard of “main” beating up “sides” #RespectYourself)

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10) DON’T DEMAND MONEY

Obviously this is a no brainer, he is going give you money (unless he is miser which means you need to move on). Please do not send any gold digger signals his way. There is a skill to getting what you want without directly asking for anything (I’ll leave that for another day).

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Hopefully you might graduate from being the side chick to the “main chick” (if that is indeed your goal). I have heard that some side chicks are very ok with their status and have zero intention on changing it #EachToTheirOwn.

We may all have our differing opinions regarding side chicks. One perspective we should not forget is that some people cannot help who they love and who are we to judge whether or not their feelings are right or not.

“YOU CAN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON’S EXPERIENCE UNTIL YOU’VE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES.” || PROVERB

What is your opinion on the notion of side chicks and perhaps you have some insights you can share?

Featured image: Relationship Craze

December 6, 2016February 16, 2017

THE PROBLEMS OF THE ‘JJC’ IN LAGOS

Welcome to Lagos aka. Lasgidi JJC! Yes! That’s what we call the newbie aka Johnny Just Come (JJC). All I can say is you are on a long thing if you do not learn fast in this bustling city (Either you catch up or get left behind, it’s that simple). Lagos is like no other city I have been to or lived in.

I am here to share with you some of the problems a ‘JJC’ in Lagos might encounter and of course the solutions (I wouldn’t leave you without help :)).

#Problem1: THE FAST LIFE

Let me share with you a story about ‘Ikenna’. Ikenna came to Lagos upon securing a great job. On his first day at work (which was on Victoria Island), he left home (the mainland) at 6.00 am on a Monday (The Lagosians are laughing right about now). He wore his nice suit, pink tie (a pretty dope one at that) and headed happily to work.

The traffic was on another level aka intense (it was Monday so you wouldn’t expect different) and just his bus approached CMS, it started raining. Well to cut the long story short, Ikenna got to work 10.16 am (I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the day went for him).

See, Lagos is all about the fast life. If you want to get to work (and you don’t own a car), you must leave home latest 5.am or you may never get there till 10.am or simply you sleep at work the day before. At the bus stop when people are struggling to enter ‘Danfo’ (our public transportation), don’t slack, join them. Even if you are in possession of a car, just be fast! Repeat after me, ‘Be Fast!’ If you don’t adopt this fast mindset, you will get trampled upon and get left behind.

Image: growingleader

#Problem2: ACCOMMODATION

Don’t be fooled by the persuasive housing agents. If you are unsure of who the owner of the house or the administrator is, don’t rent the house #JUSTDONTDOIT. They will rob you of 2 years house rent (Lagosians pay yearly rentals in this country, not monthly), commission, damages, and agreement fees. If unfortunately you enter their trap, you have paid ‘owo omogo’ (you just got duped).

Those signs that read: THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE mean serious business.

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#Problem3: DRIVING RULES

You bought a car and decided that you don’t want a driver. Well ensure you keep your eyes out for the traffic signs (they may well be hidden). If you’re unfortunate and enter a one-way road and LASTMA (our road traffic officers) catch you, you will curse whatever possessed you to leave home on that day.

It’s simple. Do not go against traffic rules or simply hire a driver that knows his way around. You are going to pay through your nose if you happen to encounter LASTMA. Don’t fight too much about any technicality, you will lose.

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#Problem4: STREET ETIQUETTE

Brothers and Sisters, if you see two people fighting in Lagos and you want to do ‘Mr Nice’ and you believe you should try and separate them, what can I even say to you?…Please just respect yourself and go your way. Also avoid any argument with all those ‘Agberos’ (touts) that might taunt you in the streets. It is your mother they will first abuse, not you.

Image: nbcnews

#Problem5: TRAFFIC

Ermm this is pretty much everybody’s problem but if you are a JJC, you might wonder if there are constant terrible accidents occurring on the road of Lagos causing the gridlocks. Don’t worry, most times it’s usually nothing (Maybe some folks arguing or a pothole). Just keep yourself entertained with the radio and if you get hungry, indulge in a bottled drink and gala from a road-side vendor and relax in your vehicle. You can even use this as a great opportunity to catch up on some sleep. Just make sure you don’t sleep and wake up in Ikorodu when you were supposed to have alighted at Ketu.

Image: techpoint

There are certainly a lot more problems I could drum up but truth is Lagos has its perks (If it didn’t, no one would stay). Think about the nightlife, the beaches, the hangout joints and the entertainment. The one thing I would say is that if you can survive living in Lagos, you can pretty much live anywhere else in the world.

If there is one piece of advise I could leave with a JJC aka newbie in Lagos is: “Don’t try and fight Lagos. Accept it for what its and find your piece of haven in it”

Lagos is a land for the smart, so be smart, have fun and enjoy the beautiful life in ‘Lasgidi’.

Unless you were born in Lagos, everyone had once been a newbie in Lagos. Share us your newbie stories, I promise I won’t laugh too hard.

December 4, 2016December 15, 2016

Bad Breakup: 9 lessons I wouldn’t take back

Ever had a soul-wrenching breakup? I have (and I mean serious heartbreak, not the one in those hollywood movies). You know those break-ups that make you think life is truly over. Rather than bore you with the “nollywood-type” sordid detail (that is for another day *wink*), I will share with you what I took away. Here are the life-long lessons which I would never change.

#LESSON 1: THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE LOVE

Not to deny the importance of love but if you think that love is all there is to life, then you are mistaken. Live your life consciously and don’t forget what makes you i.e. your family, friends, work, hobbies and so on whilst on the pursuit of love. I repeat: There is more to life than just your love life.

Image: drandyroark

#LESSON 2: I CAN BE HAPPY ALONE

It was only through picking up the pieces of my life after hitting rock bottom that I realized this one important fact that has so far shaped my relationships. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself”. One should not base one’s happiness on the presence of another soul. Life has taught me that people are not only unpredictable but also complicated and as such one should be careful on how reliant one is on them. I find solitude in a higher power (So far so good :))

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#LESSON 3: SOME PEOPLE CAN NEVER CHANGE

I have learnt that it is not my goal to change anyone or to go into a relationship hoping that they will someday change. I have learnt acceptance and the peace that it can bring to me. I have learnt to have a REAL conversation with myself to truly understand what I can withstand and what I can’t. Just because someone refuses/can’t change doesn’t mean they are bad people either, it may just mean we are not compatible and guess what?? THAT IS OK.

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#LESSON 4: YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK

Life certainly teaches us lessons we don’t remember signing up for. Sometimes we believe that we can never live life without our partner. Truth is we learn how flexible, tolerant and resilient we are with every blow that life dishes us. I use this truth in my everyday life, from my career to my relationships. Knowing how tough I am, makes me feel resilient to what trials life throws my way #WhatDoesntBreakYouMakesYou….

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#LESSON 5: NO SHAME IN FAILING

Gosh this is an important one. Failing is a GREAT thing. Failing means we tried. It gives us a story to tell, a story to actually learn from. Failing means we explored an experience which didn’t end perfectly but guess what? it probably taught us a million lessons, lessons we couldn’t have bought with all the money in the world if we tried.

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#LESSON 6: A RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO-WAY STREET

Truth is no one likes to feel cheated in life. Whether it is at home or at work or in our relationships, we all like to feel like everyone contributed. Relationships are a two-way street. If all you do is take, soon they will stop giving. You were warned!! Whoever said nothing is free knew exactly what they were talking about.

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#LESSON 7: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

When it comes to love, there’s more than just looking deeply into each other’s eyes and saying, “I love you.” #ThatS***FadesOffVeryQuickly. Your partner should be passionate, reliable, trustworthy, etc. But when those qualities are not present, that is when love may not be enough. What are the ACTUAL needs of your partner? (Please ask your partner) And are you actioning these needs or are all they hear are words??

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#LESSON 8: CONTENTMENT IS NOT NECESSARILY HAPPINESS

When I say contentment here, I refer to when one has made peace with or accepted one’s situation. Being ok with one’s situation because one feels they can not do better or because they believe they don’t have the energy to start something new is not happiness. Know the difference and please #DontSettleForContentment unless it’s exactly what you want.

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#LESSON 9: TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

In hindsight, I could see that the warning signs of my relationship woes. Only experiencing them first hand equipped me to spot them in the future and know when to call it quits. So be honest with yourself, weigh your pros and cons because loving someone and loving the idea of being with someone are actually two different things.

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Are you going through a bad break up? Denial will only deny you the freedom you need to move on. Reflect on the relationship (like I did) understanding the pros and cons and decide confidently on how to proceed.

What are the lessons you have learned from your past failed relationships? My mother always says that experience is not always a good thing, if you can easily learn from the mistakes of others so please share your lessons with us and save us the pain.

December 2, 2016December 15, 2016

Why Toke Makinwa’s “On becoming” isn’t going to impact many of us

I was in two minds when Toke Makinwa’s book first came out. I can admit that I enjoy watching quite a number of her relationship Vlogs shared on youtube and that I follow her on instagram (She is certainly entertaining). The reason why I was in two minds was that I never really saw her as an author (where was the credibility?) and also because I already had a sense of what the book would be about. Those that don’t know Toke, here is a brief description of her. She is a Nigerian celebrity that left her husband who cheated on her with his ex (an ex who he impregnated whilst married to Toke). Her book had to capitalize on this to make it appeal to the masses, no?

In her book, Toke shared her life story and her journey of love, betrayal, shame and the works; a journey ending in self-love. There were two issues that stuck out to me through out the course of my maybe 2hours full read of the book. One was “self-love”, the other “culture”. Self-love is needed for anyone to see anything clearly and it was clear that Toke for a significant part of her life lacked self-love

Toke had so many danger signs swimming her way but refused to yield, not because she didn’t see them or because she didn’t have friends or family that brought it to her attention (she had those in abundance) but simply because she didn’t respect or love herself enough (a fact she admits in her book). The reason for the title of my post “Why Toke Makinwa’s ‘On becoming’ isn’t going to impact many of us” is because of the second issue of “culture”. If we are to be honest with ourselves (especially us Nigerians), Toke’s story is nothing new. It has been written a million times as many of us have lived through her story in some form or another, we have friends that are currently living through the same script and if culture doesn’t change, our children’s children will continue to live through the same script.

Toke is not the first woman to stick with a man who clearly had wandering eyes for other women. She is not the first to fall hopelessly in love and run back to a man who had shown his true colors multiple times. She is not the first to be scorned with “You’re the wife, she’s the girlfriend. Its high time you started behaving like my wife; she’s just a girl”. She is not the first to have her husband impregnate his mistress and most likely she won’t be the last.Why you say? Because of cultural norms.

Cultural norms in Nigeria says stick through hell in marriage even if you are about to have your last breathe. If you begin to say otherwise, you are perceived of having “Oyinbo” aka western ways and that you have forgotten where you came from. Our culture has thought us less about self-love and too much about pleasing the masses and not shaming the world aka family, friends and society. Changing these cultural norms is necessary to prevent situations like Toke’s occurring again and to do so it will take more than Toke’s book but I guess it’s certainly a start.

What do you think of my perspective? Do you believe Toke’s book will make an impact in our world? And if so, how much of an impact?

Featured image: bella naija

December 1, 2016December 15, 2016

10 Alex Elle quotes that will change your life

Alex Elle is no doubt one of my favourite writers to date. Alex Elle’s work is like food to the soul so I encourage you to at least follow her on social media (if you are not tempted to buy her books yet) as her words will literally change your life. Here are 10 quotes from her that have inspired me and that I am also sure will turn your life around:

1. ON FORGIVENESS

2. ON STRUGGLE

3. ON SELF IMPROVEMENT

4. ON MOVING ON/LETTING GO

5. ON BEING PATIENT

6. ON PROTECTING YOUR SPACE

7. ON REACTING TO ILL TREATMENT

8. ON BUILDING PROMISING RELATIONSHIPS

9. ON FRIENDSHIP

10. ON PLEASING YOUR PARTNER

There are so many inspiring words from Alex Elle, which is your favourite? And perhaps you have other quotes that inspire you?

December 1, 2016December 15, 2016

Probably the best view in the world – Halong Bay, Vietnam

I did not know I was about to be stunned when I agreed to venture to Vietnam with friends. As part of the trip, we visited Ha Long Bay which is a UNESCO World Heritage Centre which means pretty much means its a big deal i.e. an amazing place that the UN sees the need to protected. This is Halong Bay through my eyes #Enjoy:

Approaching our ship for the weekend. Complete luxury built with Spa, a beautiful deck.

The stunning accommodations which all had full views of the bay.

This view from the top of the cruise ship

Enjoying some vietnamese delicacies cooked by our chefs who prepared all our meals on board

Views to literally die for…We sailed for the weekend, whilst taking time our to kayak, view caves and explore the beauty the bay has to offer

Chilling with some of the crew on deck #MobilePhoneAddicts

Melanin on deck. Honestly, this trip is a MUST. I pretty much decided on this trip that I would never stop exploring the beauty this world has to offer. So many times, we get stuck in our day to day routines and forget at time the world out there. I never want to forget the world out there.

What I loved: The views, The VIEWS, The VIEWS!!!! Also the people (their warmth) and how inexpensive things were compared to the west (London and Lagos is my reference point FYI)

What I didn’t like: The fact that I didn’t stay longer (I spent only 3 days)

Would I go back?: Do you even need to ask? 100%.

Is there a location on earth that you’ve been to and you think its a MUST? Please share 🙂

November 28, 2016April 7, 2017

CHECKING IN: GOVERNOR’S IL MORAN CAMP KENYA

When you think of going on a safari in Africa, you may think that accommodations on safari would be sub-par and as such you don’t raise your expectations. You don’t necessarily expect warm water or even great service. This was not the case when I was on a 5 night safari trip in the Masai Mara. I stayed at the Governors II Moran camp in the Masai Mara and here is my visual dairy:

Glamping, a great alternative to tent pitching…The Glamp camp only consisted of 10 tens to give that exclusive feel

Sassy posing on the hammock. Note that I was awoken by a hippo who was 3 feet from my tent in the tent. Note that there are no barriers (no fences) between you and the wild. The tents are protected by armed guards all day, all night.

For those who love to shop, we had a shop on camp.

Not bad for a tent huh?

His & Her sink

Study area

Lounging in the reception area of the camp

What do you think about this GLAMPING (aka Glamorous camping)? Have you done it? Would you do it? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts

November 25, 2016December 15, 2016

THROWBACK TO MEXICO IN MY EARLY 20s

This was my first time in Mexico and I spent 2 weeks here visiting one of my best friends (who is Mexican). Having a local as a tour guide was amazing. We travelled from Guadalajara to Cancun to Puerto Vallarta. Here is my visual diary:

Penthouse chilling in Cancun

Visiting Chichen Itza, Yucatan Mexico

Beach ready in Cancun

Amazing chair in the centre of Guadalajara

Nights out in Guadalajara, Mexico

A sign on our 5/6 hour drive from Guadalajara to Puerto Vallarta

Boat trips in Vallarta

Me and my band back in Guadalajara

This trip was an amazing experience and thanks to my amazing hosts, I did what locals did, went to the local market and ate local food partied where locals partied and all in all had an amazing experience that ensured I returned to Mexico two more times 🙂

November 20, 2016April 7, 2017

A GUIDE TO VISITING MYKONOS, GREECE

Mykonos is not only the most known island in Greece but the most glamorous of them all. The island is located in the Greek islands of the Cyclades group, situated in the middle of the Aegean Sea. I went to Mykonos as part of my post MBA graduation trip in the summer and to be honest, I couldn’t fault my time there. If you are the beach type that loves classy nights by night and want to be a beach bum by day whilst eating great food, Mykonos was made and created for you. Here is my visual diary of all what I got up to in Mykonos, where I stayed and the inbetweens.

I stayed at the Palladium hotel in Psarou in Mykonos. This 5* boutique hotel was simply amazing and I could not fault much about it (A great tip about affording this hotel was booking a triple room with my girlfriends which cut down costs dramatically whilst increasing bonding time). The hotel is also located very close Psarou beach and Nammos restaurant which is one of the most famous beach restaurants in Europe.

The Palladium, Mykonos

Pre-lobby vibes at the Palladium

We spent the first day exploring the quirky cobbled streets of Mykonos which is not heel friendly so I would suggest for all ladies to dress comfortably for long windy walks.

Still exploring the streets of Mykonos town

My and my girls out in the streets of Mykonos

Art pieces spotted in many shops in Mykonos

One of my most memorable time in Mykonos was actually when we ventured for an afternoon to JackieO’. JackieO’ is a beach club with a beach spa, a pool and jacuzzi, a restaurant and even a church just in case you decide you want to get hitched. What I loved about JackieO’ was the energy and down-to-earth vibes of many there (and of course the entertainment provided). I actually left the beach having made new friends. Did I mention I danced the daytime away? As you can tell I loved my time at JackieO’ and as such it is a MUST!

Selfie at JackieO’

Performances at JackieO’ were phenomenal, nothing like it.

The beach at JackieO’

Trust me to make new friends

Views at JackieO’

One of the too many amazing meals I had in Mykonos. Use trip advisor for references in Mykonos, you won’t be disappointed

Post a night out with a few of my classmates

What I loved about Mykonos: JackieO’, the food, the friendliness of locals and of course the night life. Trust Mykonos to play some Nigerian Afrobeats.

What I didn’t like: That I didn’t stay a bit longer. We were only in Mykonos for three nights.

Would I go back: Yes, Yes, actually take me back right now!!

Travel tip:

You need to drive around Mykonos to enjoy the whole island so best to hire a car rather than pay for cabs everywhere.
If you are a large group, choose to book a luxurious villa rather than a hotel (Likely to be cheaper too). So impressive the kinds of accomodation you can get on this island.

.Have you been to Mykonos before? If so, what was your highlight? If you haven’t, please just go. And if you have any questions, please feel free to ask

#SASSYFUNKE

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