How could I love you as much as I hate you? How could I love and hate the fact that you test me each day? How come am staying even though you push my limits every day? One day am complaining about how you treat me, the next I am on a different high bragging about how I love you?It’s been nearly 4 months out of my 10-month MBA course and I am yet to express my feelings on paper about my experience thus far. I came to business school full of hope, full of excitement and full of uncertainty. I came knowing simply that I needed change, a change that would move me drastically closer towards my hopes and dreams.
So my thoughts on business school so far. Well I think most people that know INSEAD business school know that it’s extremely diverse in terms of backgrounds, nationalities and experiences. For me, It has been an extremely valuable experience to be in a midst of such smart and talented people who I can pose stupid questions to about industry and who won’t openly think I am a bit ‘thick’ (that’s an English expression for stupid or unknowledgeable).
Since I have been here and judging by the comments I receive from friends and family (based on my posts on Facebook and Instagram), one would think I was dancing and making fun dance videos all day at INSEAD (perhaps I’ll share a video in my next post). The truth is INSEAD is a pretty fun and exciting experience. I have had opportunities to develop friendships, to attend awesome parties, to learn about companies, to do company visits, to explore potential career opportunities, to learn and to GROW. The truth is INSEAD is also a pretty pretty INTENSE experience. I knew going on a condensed 2-year MBA program that would only last 10 months was a little crazy but now I KNOW for sure it is. But those who know me, know that crazy and I live together and are pretty much best of friends.
Sometimes I feel like am in a circus juggling 30 balls at the same time. During my first two months, I tried to juggle all 30 balls given to me and tried to act like a superstar. Currently, I’ve decided to take a good look at the balls and say “hmmm, I think you 15 balls are important to me” so lets juggle away. Even 15 balls is a lot to handle so when one of the balls fall to the ground, I tell myself “its ok, I’ll pick you up later” (truth is most times I forget to pick up the ball from the floor as I keep receiving new balls to juggle). To be honest, initially I thought I was very undeserving of this experience and often wondered what INSEAD saw in me to accept me into its program. I battled this a lot as I thought I was the only one struggling. After a few conversations with other classmates, it felt very comforting to know that I was one among many jugglers experiencing this mad mad circus. I used to question why why why? (why such an intense circus, why can’t we slow down the show, why don’t I have two more hands to juggle?). Now I have decided to just play my part in the circus and do the best I can. I may not achieve “perfection” but I know for sure I will be transformed by the end of the show.
So to answer the questions I raised in my opening paragraph, I hate this experience because it has definitely turned my world upside down. The experience is nothing like I have even seen. It keeps pushing my limits. It makes me evaluate what matters and what doesn’t. But I love INSEAD because I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be pushed, I want my limits tested. Not everyone gets to experience such an enthralling experience so I feel blessed to be able to be a part of this amazing journey. I know this experience will come to an end in a flash but before it does, I am going to make sure I hate and love this it to the max.
I hate you and then I love you. It’s like I want to throw you off a cliff, then rush to the bottom to catch you. – UNKNOWN