Tag: dating

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The Pros and Cons to dating an expat

Here in Lagos, aside from the likes of the “Dangotes” (aka one of Nigeria’s super wealthy families) who to be honest are not within reach of most, the next best targets for dating are expats. Expats to be honest are within reach for almost any class in Nigeria hence why you sometimes have to do a double take when you see the kinds of women you see on dates with these men (you know exactly what I mean so I won’t spell it out). So lets jump into it, the pros and cons to dating an expat.

PRO 1: Financial Stability

Lets not pretend we don’t all want this. Who wants to slave for the rest of their lives? We know expats receive housing allowance, travel allowance, grocery allowance and even get their salaries probably delivered to their USD or GBP accounts abroad (and this is at a minimum). With the current economic situation in our country, this reason has never been truer.

PRO 2: That passport

  We all love our green naija passport but let us be honest with ourselves. If someone offered you a UK, Italian or American passport, would you say no? I’ll leave that there.

CON 1: When they are hot, they are hot. When cold, cold as ICE

  I feel expats love hard…they live far away from home so when they find a Nigerian partner they vibe with, they love hard but…yes BUT, the moment they fall out of love, that’s IT (there is no changing their mind). So perhaps best to get the most whilst in it because you never know how numbered your days are.

CON 2: Three-way love story

  Most expats had a life before they moved into the country. Some had wives, children, long term girlfriends…some of them decided not to move with them because of various reasons. And here you are falling in love with someone that may still be in love with someone else miles away. Who knows whether you are just a place holder, filling space until….

I have only mentioned a few pros and cons. I am sure some of you lovely readers have dated expats so please show us the way…what were the pros and cons when you sidelined your brothers/sisters and jumped on the expat bandwagon? 🙂

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How to date in cosmopolitan cities like Lagos

Lagos, Nigeria is a city of Love Love Love….I LIE. Lagos is not for the faint-hearted. This highly populated city will chew innocence out of you and you will look back reminiscing on how dumb you were. Dating in lagos takes skills, skills you better learn quick and hopefully not through experience. That quote about how experience is the best teacher doesn’t work here. Listening to other people’s experience is the best teacher. Learning from the mistakes of others is the best teacher. Here are my own tips to dating in Lagos:

TIP 1: Date silently

Just because you are dating doesn’t mean you need to announce it on a radio station. Are you to first to go on a date??

TIP 2: Date quietly

As much as Lagos has some really well known cool spots to hang out i.e. Maison Farenheit, Eko Hotel, Angel Villa….Please AVOID them all. Look for unknown new spots to explore. You don’t want to be bumping into everyone whilst you are trying to figure out whether this hottie is the real deal or not. You know how Lagosians spread rumours and thrive on GIST aka GOSSIP. Please avoid being on the first page.

TIP 3: Ask blunt/Straight-to-the-point questions on the 1st or 2nd Date (I prefer 1st)

      Questions such as:

  • Are you married or divorced?
  • Do you have kids?
  • Are you currently seeing anyone?
  • Where are you in your life now when it comes to relationships?

You may disagree with me but you are setting yourself up for tears and “whys” if you don’t do yourself a favour and ask ALL the above. We all know that married men are out on the prowl as a norm so please be smart.

TIP 4: Clarify what dating is

Lagos is not the city to make assumptions (#MakeZeroAssumptions). I mean, some people date 10 people at once and see no big deal in doing so. Just enlighten yourself as to what you are getting yourself into.

TIP 5: Don’t be quick to fall in love

This tip is for the childish ones. What do you know about love? You meet him, he spends on you, flies you on a private jet, pays for your mother’s bill and suddenly you are in love. Abeg snap out of it. You might love all these things he does for you but is that love?

TIP 6: Options

Until you are in an exclusive relationship, you are a free agent. I hope you can hear me loud and clear, a FREE AGENT. #KeepYourOptionsOpen. Also keep this fact to yourself.

TIP 7: Live your life

Here I am telling you to not change your full schedule in anticiapation of this guy. Live your life full and proud. Don’t suddenly ditch all your plans to make room for him. Nothing is more attractive than a woman with her own life and vibe.

#SassyKeepingItReal #DateWisely

PLEASE share some tips that have helped or that have perhaps saved you from a lifetime of misery in your dating saga!!