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Should I just give up and CHANGE?

It’s been over a month since I moved back to Lagos and there is this issue that lingers in my mind. The issue is simply “To change or not to change”. Some would say it’s “To adapt or not to adapt” but I think they both to some degree mean the same thing (or maybe not??). When we adapt to a certain situation, a part of us intrinsically is changing whether we choose to admit it or not.

My patience has been tried so many times here, from vendors who promise hell on earth but never deliver on time. I am still yet to attend a brunch, a meet-up or a party that anyone turns up on time. To be honest I knew all this before I moved back but to live it every single day is a completely different experience. I find myself adapting (or changing)…i.e. turning up late too (if only for my sanity, peace and my stress levels). I am a very ‘on time’ (punctual) being…In the past, it aggravated me when someone says “I will be there at 1pm”, tell me at 12.30pm they are around the corner and finally arrive at 4pm (What do you even say to that person on arrival? In Lagos, we welcome them with open arms).

I guess the whole point of my write-up today is to ask to what degree do we let our environment change us or force us to adapt. To what degree do we let our experiences with others, our relationships, our work environment change who we fundamentally are. Can we try and be firm in our position so as to force others to yield to us (and how easy is that)? or is it just a game of “If you can’t beat them, join them?” I don’t want to change some fundamentals of who I am because I know once that begins to change, maybe I won’t even recognise who I am in a year’s time (and I kinda like who I am right now). I guess one could argue that maybe the person I become in a year is better than who I am today…

What are your thoughts on this? I would love to hear them.

 

“It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change.” || Leon C. Megginson

#SassyFunke

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What do you know about GRATITUDE?

Gratitude…Today is all about gratitude and it’s a short one.

I witnessed something that shocked me and brought the word gratitude straight to mind and heart. I was in traffic in Ikeja (the capital of Lagos state, Nigeria) just after a work, on my way home when I saw a boy (a young teenager about 13 years old). I first thought what I saw next was a “film trick” (meaning an illusion) but as he passed by door, I noticed his ailment. His right arm was much longer than his “normal” left arm. His right arm was approximately 10x times the size of left in width (he suffered from some sort of hyperactive growth). I watched as he carried and threw his right arm across his neck, his arm landing on his chest. I was filled with anger, sadness, shame and then gratitude.

Anger that we didn’t have a government that made sure people with such ailments were treated. Sadness that he had to live like that and that he probably had had to endure his illness for years. Shame that I had no power to help (or do I? “This is something I am pondering on”) and then gratitude for all the simple things that I take for granted everyday and for those that I will take for granted for years to come.

I am not going to get sad writing this but I pray (for you and I) that whatever circumstances we endure that even then, we realise that that in itself is something to be grateful for. I hope that even in the depths our hardship and sorrow that we find a way to be grateful for all we have (whether or not it is what we want in that moment in time).

 

Dare to Be. When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully, When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light. When times are tough, dare to be tougher. When love hurts you, dare to love again. || Steve Maraboli

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Why you actually NEED negativity in your life

My blog and instagram account was born out of the desire to have a positive impact on others and also to feed my own soul with positiveness. So why today am I writing about negativity? Simply because I believe that negativity is a positive thing if addressed rightly.

I recently had a negative comment on my blog (the beauty of social media with your life out there is that you get all sorts of messages, both positive and negative) and my first reaction in my head was “oh that’s not nice”, the second being “I have a fan”, “this is how all those controversial talk show hosts actually make money”, “no news is bad news” 🙂

I think we need to change the way we look at negative people, negative souls and negative circumstances. We should not look at them as instruments that have come to play a destructive part in our lives rather we should explore them as opportunities and platforms to propel us into more and better. Propelling us into better could mean making us more tolerant of individuals or making us more open to possibilities beyond our limited view in turn growing us into being better beings.

Kim Kardashian is one extreme example but a relevant one nonetheless: Kimmy K turned a sex tape scandal into a money making venture. I do not have an opinion on how her fame came about but what I can say is that she built her EMPIRE off negativity. You might hate her but I am pretty sure she sleeps well with all the negativity around her and you know why? All that negativity keeps her relevant and keeps the $$$$ rolling in.

Another simple example is one receiving a bad performance review from one’s boss. This review simply gives you an opportunity to prove better performance next time. I truly believe that those we remember are those who make a change rather than those who necessarily remain the same (simply because change makes a better story).

My words for you today are: When you encounter negativity, trying times, difficulties, know that you are simply being tested and given an opportunity to either grow or remain the same. I implore you to choose the former each and every time.

 

“Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it’ll take their breath away.” || Tony Gaskins

 

Much love

Sassy xx

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If YOU only knew what lies beneath MY surface

This is the title of my newest post and oh my. So let me share a little of what was going on with me few weeks ago. I had recently finished my MBA and was working on securing a full time job. In the midst of securing a job, I was incorporating some travel around the world and it seemed to the outside world that perhaps I was not serious in my pursuit of a job. They looked at my Instagram and Facebook feed and thought, all she is about is fun and travelling, “how would this one get a job”, “Is she really that serious?” This got a bit irritating, as I myself knew how much I had invested in this pursuit and in growing myself over the past few months.

I remember when I used to work in Investment banking and everyone one saw me as the “always happy friendly”, “spending all my time in the gym”, “playing netball”, “forever jet-setting away” one that left the office much earlier than most others. What they didn’t know was that behind it all, I was studying hard, investing hour’s day in, day out (after work, on the bus, on the train – arm in arm in with GMAT books) all in pursuit to study an MBA. Once I got accepted into one of the best business schools in the world, I remember getting comments like “WOW, you got into INSEAD” as if to imply it was by luck (unfortunately they didn’t get front seat at my moments of sleepless nights studying, my moment of profound sadness when I initially didn’t get the GMAT score I wanted). They didn’t understand how this fun-loving, forever travelling soul could get into business school. 

I remember when I was at business school; no one understood how I had the time to start a blog (They didn’t get a front row seat when I woke up regularly at 2am to plan, build my blog and regularly posts content, “they didn’t buy tickets to see my show”). So what is the point of today’s rant…Its simply that people are so quick to make judgments about who we are, what we can achieve by looking at our surface. They don’t know that behind all that Facebook post, all those selfies, all those instagram quotes, is a grafter, a hard worker, a relentless soul who is in pursuit of more than she is today. 

 

Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception–do not confuse them with “facts” or “truth”

|| John Moore

 

Can you relate to my post? Any thoughts on my perspective? Let me know, I would love to hear them!

Till next time

Sassy xx

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Are you even worth it?

That job, that promotion, that relationship, that life…all those things that we want so badly, those things that we feel we deserve, those things that we are so impatient for, those things that seemingly mean the world to us, things that would just make everything PERFECT (if there is any thing such as that…but that’s another conversation for another day).

I guess my post today is all about whether or not we are worth all the things we desire and to consider how we approach those desires. Rather than relentlessly seek those things that we want so badly, maybe we should seek to be worth them. “Seek to be worth them” meaning that we should live, act and grow in a way whereby if or when those dreams/goals/targets do come to pass, we would actually be fully ready, be present to embrace them and live them out in a way that those blessings wouldn’t be a waste on us.

Too often we focus on the goal but over the years I have come to realize that it is NOTHING about the goal. It’s all the process, it’s all about the journey to getting “IT” because along the journey, there are so many “ITs” we fail to acknowledge and all these little “ITs” contribute immensely to our growth, our happiness, our JOY.

So the lesson for today (for YOU and I) is to begin seeking being worthy of all we desire, rather than to seek the desires themselves.

 

“If the entire world sought to make itself worthy of happiness rather than make itself happy, then the entire world would be happy” || Criss Jami

Sassy xx

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Jordan – Culture, History, Luxury…you MUST experience

A few weeks ago, I took a plane out of London Heathrow and 5 hours later, landed in Amman (the capital of Jordan). I didn’t know what to expect and honestly didn’t do much research prior to landing and I am kind of glad I didn’t (there is something about exploring a land first-hand, not having pre-conceived ideas about it and taking it in day by day.

Jordan is an Arab kingdom in the middle east. The country is bordered by Saudi Arabia to the south and east, Iraq to the north-east, Syria to the north, and Israel and Palestine to the west. It is a highly conservative country so I made sure I dressed in line (literally avoiding open shoulder outfits, short dresses etc) but I was relieved the dressing attire was more relaxed at hotels.

I spent just over a day in Amman relaxing and spending time with friends (one of which was Jordanian – nothing better that an exploring a country with a local) by the pool, experiencing city views of Amman over shisha and generally anticipating what the next few 5 days would be unearthing. We embarked on our journey of Jordan (below was our itinerary of Jordan which I employ to use when you plan your trip to jordan).

Day 1: Amman (city chill and exploring)

Day 2: Amman to Dead Sea

Day 3: Dead Sea

Day 4: Dead Sea to Petra

Day 5: Petra Visit – Wadi Rum 4×4 Tour

Day 6: Wadi Rum – Aqaba

Day 7: Aqaba – Home

Rather than bother describing every location to you (which I am sure wikipedia could possibly be useful for that), I will leave with you a gallery of what I got up to with the crew (with short descriptions) and hopefully leave you inspired to #ExploreJordan. I would add that we stayed in 5 star accommodations throughout and I am sure there are other options which would give a similar experience but for me, the quality of one’s accommodation always adds that’s extra touch to my holidays. I would say hands down, Jordan is certainly in the top 3 destinations I have explored this year.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need any tips about Jordan 

“Don’t listen to what they say. GO see” – Chinese Proverb

 

#SassyFunke

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“I’ve always wanted to be WHITE”

So those were her words, and to be honest, I never expected it. She seemed so confident, so sure in her ways that I always thought her ways were hers and hers only. She opened up to tell me that having grown up in the west and being part of a minority in an  private school for her formative years(something I could relate with), she was always surrounded by caucasian beings and always seeked to fit in whether that meant by attending more parties than she actually liked or by getting involved in relationships that were deemed acceptable by her peers (even if they were unacceptable by her standards) or loving the activities adorned by those around her (just because).

The reason she shared this with me was to tell me that she was tired of it all, that she no longer wanted to fit in. She no longer wanted to seek or appease her “world” or what she thought her world was. She said, “Do you actually know I hate clubbing? But I do it because everyone else does”. She also mentioned how she felt like she was in a competition to do better or at least to stay on par with others *How Exhausting*. She said she didn’t know what change in her (perhaps the number of years added to her life) but that something triggered her to stop and that she now felt so much lighter, so much happier. A huge weight was lifted off her and oh my she couldn’t wait to share this news with me.

I am not going to drag this post longer that I should or get all philosophical but I wanted to share this story with you to tell you to let it go, take off the weight, life isn’t that serious. Trust me, those that love you, that value you, that respect you will love who YOU truly are. I am proud of her as I AM proud of YOU for letting it all go, accepting yourself and starting to live on your terms.

 

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” || Marilyn Monroe

Much love

#Sassy

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Do I have a BIG EGO??

So this post has been inspired from a recent response I received from a person asking me whether I truly believe one of the post I recently shared on instagram from one of my favourite writers “Alex Elle”

The quote was about how I would never love another more than I love myself. So quoting this individual “Doesn’t that quote make you a little egocentric and narcissistic”. I think it’s only fair that we dig deeper for the sake of clarity and as such I am going to take us to the Oxford dictonary to explore the meanings of these two words.

Egocentric 

– thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centred

Narcissistic

– having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance.

So now let me get on to explaining the quote so that we all clearly understand it’s meaning. Loving me doesn’t refer to loving how I look or any superficiality. It involves respecting me, my being and understanding that taking care of my wellbeing whether it is physical, psychological or emotional is important and paramount and only when I can do this properly, I am truly capable of knowing how to truly love another properly. What I speak about or hope to relay from the quote is way deeper that any superficiality.

So to conclude I am not egocentric and I am not narcissistic (but I openly admit that I admire myself and my journey so far). So to further conclude, I think it’s important for us to “look, before we leap” before making judgement about who others are. Its important to be able to read between the lines.

On a different note, why does the world have such a big issue with the notion of self love, as if to say that loving one’s self is a crime, as if to say its a no-no a taboo. Could it possibly be because somewhere beneath it all, the world actually wishes it had a dose of that love itself? Anyways, I will leave this topic for another day.

 

“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” || Shannon L. Alder

 

Much love

#Sassy

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Lebanon in 4 days

So when my Lebanese friend and classmate told me about a trip being planned to Lebanon, my eyes lit because I was excited by the prospect of going to a new destination and exploring a new culture, a new way of life. On the other hand, when I mentioned this plan to other friends, they couldn’t understand why I would put myself at risk due to the conflict in the region. Also they couldn’t understand what there was to see in Lebanon and I got a few horrifying stories of how a black African girl would be treated in Lebanon.

All these negative stories/views left me with a little dilemma and I was close to cancelling my plans. My Lebanese friends re-assured me that I would be ok and that I shouldn’t absorb all the negativity and that I should look to the positives that Lebanon had to offer and that a single story isn’t a reflection of the whole.

I ended up going on the trip and had a truly amazing time from exploring cultural sites to eating WAY too much (i can’t resist good food) to partying it up at #WhiteBeirut and building and solidifying friendships.

I felt so much warmth in Lebanon from the immigration officer wishing me a belated birthday to friendly local Lebanese keen to know more about my heritage and culture (I felt a little bit of a mini celebrity tbh and who doesn’t like that?? #SassyDoes 🙂 ).

I guess I learnt a HUGE lesson from this trip and its simply that we can not let negativity, the media, the views of others take over choices, our beliefs etc or let them make us stay hidden from what the world has to offer. We need to make our own calculated choices/decisions to see the world through our OWN eyes and make our own judgement.

I leave with you with a taster of what I got up to in #MYLebanon with a mini gallery. #Indulge + #Enjoy + #ExploreLEBANON

SassyFact about Lebanon: Byblos (city in Lebanon) is the oldest continuously living city in the world. 

#SassyFunke

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Lessons that became Blessings – Sassy Did INSEAD

Some things really have to be lived to be understood. Getting an MBA at INSEAD is certainly on the top of my list of those things. I still remember all the hard work I put into applying to business school from the weekly night GMAT lessons after work in London to the endless versions of my application essays I got the whole world to review all in the pursuit of the perfect application. Now l have come to the end of my 10-month MBA journey so I want to share with you my learnings from this journey:

  1. Be humble, be open, interact with everyone…the best things/experiences always rise from the most unexpected places
  2. There will be moments where you will find things tough to handle but know that its meant to be tough so live through it #YouWillSurvive
  3. If you have plans, know that plans are for Gods, any plan you had probably may not work as planned so be open to the amazing possibilities and stay open
  4. Be authentically YOU. Strive to be yourself and stick away from the norm, deep down everyone loves those that are uniquely different even though they may not openly share this
  5. Have standards and stick to them, its so easy to be swayed and go with the flow but as I say to my friends #KnowYourself
  6. Socializing & Travelling with others is possibly a more valuable learning experience than sitting in that tutorial class
  7. You will be confused about life from time to time but enjoy the confusion..in time it will all make sense..hopefully 🙂
  8. Seek to make friends with people unlike you, I truly believe I have made some bonds that I doubt can be broken from this experience
  9. There is no greater source of knowledge, talent and growth than an INSEAD MBA with over 500 UNIQUE souls merged into one nest for 10 months #Fact
  10. INSEAD is no doubt THE best business school in the world #AnotherFact lol

INSEAD for me has been an incredible journey from the learning’s I have absorbed, to the uncountable places I have explored, to the incredible love that I received from others, to the many shared amazing experiences and bonds I have built. I am certainly not who I was before I started. I am better now than I was and I am blessed to have been able to share this journey with some truly remarkable individuals, whom I hope to stay connected to for a lifetime.

My underlying words for you today is to reach for more than YOU…reach for new experiences, new challenges, new loves, new sources of growth. The world is waiting for you and trust me, It has a lot more to offer than you’ve dreamed. It certainly did for me. Stay hungry and PLEASE take that plunge into reaching for MORE and expect to be astonished.

 

“As the years pass by…as the dreams of our careers become our reality…as the loves of our lives grow, 
I hope you are able to look back at your journey and see a life filled with perfect moments. I hope you build a life where you continually find the best version of yourself.” || Marlon Bowman (INSEAD 15J MBA Graduate)

#WeMadeIt  My Class Graduating video clip