Category: Inspiration

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The Beauty Of Silence

A number of weeks ago, I was told that someone I knew (not someone I would necessarily call a friend) dedicated an afternoon to gossiping and making pretty ill jokes about me in the midst of a few of my friends. This is someone that shortly after, was all chatty and seemingly nice to me. To be honest, my first reaction was to definitely confront this individual (I am not one to shy off letting people know exactly how I feel) but what I did next is what I want to talk to YOU about.

I spent the weeks after doing absolutely nothing. I didn’t confront this individual. I smiled right back when this individual smiled at me in the hallway. My mum has always said to me that silence is healing. Silence really gives you time to see perspectives. It saves you from investing energy unnecessarily in areas that truly deserve none. It can set you free.

In deciding whether or not to remain silent, I asked myself the following?

  1. Is this individual a friend or an acquaintance?
  2. How much value will I get from confronting the issue?
  3. Can the confrontation time be invested in other areas that will generate greater substance?
  4. What was this individual contribution to my being?

After analyzing the answers to the questions (1. Acquaintance 2. Zero 3. Yes 4. Zero), I am truly thankful I had the common sense to say nothing.

This brings me to the real point of my post. In life, we will confronted with situations where we want to defend ourselves, to defend the ones we care about, to fight for our rights, to prove we can’t be trampled upon, to prove we are not weak…I am here to say that there is so much strength in silence, in refusing to be dragged in mud, in refusing to entertain certain nonsense, in refusing to stoop to a level below yours. Silence isn’t weakness; there is a beauty within it that unveils itself with time if you are patient enough. Essentially know those that deserve your words and those silence is better suited.

 

Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all || Unknown

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Am off to the highest bidder (the one who see’s my true worth)

I attended a presentation over a week ago from one of the many firm’s that have graced my school’s campus these past few weeks with the hope to recruit some of us students for full-time work positions. The presentation was very impressive from the background of the managing partner to the delivery of what was on offer for us prospective employees.

The piece of the presentation that stood out to me was when the managing partner gave some advice. He said: Ensure you know the skills you truly excel at and make sure you sign up with a firm that actually values that. This for me was probably one of the most eye-opening messages I have heard in the past few months and a message, which was very relevant to me at this stage in my career. I am at a place where I am applying for numerous jobs, some that I know clearly I would excel at, as the skills necessary for them come easy to me (and is highly demanded by the firms) and excite me and I could see my future growth. Others on the other hand are so-so (in that I could do them but was there any passion in me for them, any excitement for me to grow in them?….DEBATABLE)

One of the many reasons I came to business school was to really evaluate what I was passionate about and go about excelling in that direction. It’s certainly hard to remain focused about where to go next when one is constantly having opportunities presented daily from all angles. The comment made by the partner certainly helped put my head back in line as to what I truly wanted and how important it was for me not to forget what that was (to not forget what taking a year out meant for ME) and to truly keep it fore-front as I get bombarded with “noise”.

I think his comment was not only relevant to ones’ career but to all aspects of life…we need to go in the direction of where our value is best recognized because if not, we could end of resenting the position we find ourselves in as the pursuit of happiness in that direction will certainly be much tougher if not even impossible.

#SassyFunke

Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. || Unknown

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The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made

 

Such a big title for a very simple mistake. The biggest mistake I ever made is a mistake we have all made at some point in our lives. We make this mistake because we are human, we believe in humanity, we see the best in people and hope for the best. We see people’s future potential today and invest mentally and emotionally in it.

The mistake I made was to believe so much in words that I ignored the actions that were meant to be the backbone of them. I have made this mistake with my friendships and relationships. Maybe it’s the “Miss Nice” instinct in me that really invest in the potential possibilities of humans not their current realities. I really try to see people for who they could be but as my friends would say “Who made you mother Theresa?”. Looking back, I wasted too much time with people that simply didn’t matter, people that didn’t show or prove to me they had a place in my life. I would have probably saved so much time I wasted on investing in building my own future empire [maybe I could have been on Forbes list of billionaires under 30 a while back *sighs*, there is still time so the hustle begins]

Lets take an example, I go for a job interview where I am promising that I will achieve certain deliverables and lets say for the next few months after accepting and starting the job, I turn up to work 30% of the time and achieve 10% of the deliverables, do I expect to have a job for too long? Do I expect to get a promotion? Do I expect my boss to see me for my potential and say “I know you will do better next year”?  Do I expect a pat in the back? Should I be surprised if I get a warning or if I get fired?

Well the truth of the matter now is that I have changed. I am very rational with my relationships. Until I see substance, I am not even listening to words, I will not invest in YOU. Sassy’s time is way too valuable anyways. If a person can not hold their end of the bargain and all he/she feeds me with is words in space, that person can be certain that their days within my network are numbered. I don’t have many close friends but I can certainly say those that have made it to my core are full of substance (substance of support, of love, of encouragement, of advise, of time).

What do you think? Do you think I am being a bit harsh trying to rationalize my relationships in regard to the value they bring to the table? I would love to hear YOUR thoughts….

#Sassy

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” || Rita Mae Brown

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WHY YOU SHOULD STOP WORRYING

She called me to let me know she was upset that she lost her iPhone and instead of me further (drowning her in her sorrows) telling her how sad it was that her iPhone was lost and drowning her in words of how was she was going to find it, I said to her not to worry, that worst case she had to buy her a new one (that its all just money, right?). She said what do you mean? I responded with ‘Think about it, one day if given the chance to choose whether to lose your iPhone (or anything menial) or lose something more meaningful in your life, you would certainly choose your iPhone in a heartbeat”.

I used to be the type that got so stressed, I mean my brain would be so over-worked, to be point where I would get migraines when things suddenly didn’t work the way I anticipated them to work. Simple things like traffic on the way to the airport would unsettle me. My brain would over-analyze the impact 20 steps ahead of what the possibilities would be leading to worry and exhaustion. Over time, I learnt to embrace change; I learned to flow with the wind; even now I expect my sails to change. Especially when it involves material things, I do not worry because I know these things can always be bought again if not now, then at a later date. I have learnt to accept that I am not an oracle so I do not have the power to predict the future either.

So this brings me to point of this post: Life will never go exactly the way we want it but the issue isn’t with life but with us. We need to learn that it is impossible to anticipate our lives and that we make the fatal and fundamental mistake of thinking we have the power to do so hence why we are left disappointed. We also need to know that we will lose things, we will be hurt, we will be disappointed, we will feel PAIN but we should not take these feelings too seriously as they are all part of life. More so, we shouldn’t let these changes affect our quest for life, our drive to be more, our path to success, our road to live a meaningful, happy and purposeful life.

Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” || Corrie ten Boom

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Money or Happiness: which currency do you value more?

A few weeks ago, about 45 of us MBA students spent the best part of our semester break in Abu Dhabi taking a negotiations course. It was a pretty intense week with 8.30am starts and the average day ending at 9.30pm. I think the majority of us who we went into the course were trying to find the best way to negotiate a great salary package given we were all going to be immersed in recruiting activities shortly after. The course was pretty rewarding in that I felt I learnt so much and whilst I would not call myself a guru in negotiations, I can say that I am armed with a framework that would assist me positively in such situations. The core of my post has nothing to do with the content of the course itself but focuses simply on the final words of our renowned professor on our closing day.

He concluded by saying to us, “You will all make money in your lifetime so don’t be worried about money as it is just a small composition of what would be meaningful in your life so it is important to ensure that those other things are taken care of too (things like family etc) .”

I don’t think he could have closed the day any better. I personally was waiting the whole week to get to that point where we would spend a considerable amount of time on salary negotiation which we did (we all want to be rich, right?). So I guess the personal learnings for me were as follows: I should be careful not to base what I value (my perception of richness), my life’s value solely on the zeros in front of a dollar sign, that I should not focus what I consider fulfillment and success on what the world typically views it as and I need to carefully decide what RICHNESS means to me. It could mean having little to no money, and working for a NGO in Africa or it could mean having a yacht and owning penthouses around the world and having no time or it could possibly mean a life where I don’t have significant amount of money but I have enough time to share with those I love (that in itself is some valuable sort of currency, don’t you think?). I think you get the idea. It’s important to determine what being rich means for you not just in monetary terms but also in other currencies not so often talked about by the world. 

With that I leave you.

#SassyFunke

“It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.” –George Lorimer

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You don’t seem like the type

A few weeks ago, I got off a near 8-hour flight from Singapore to Abu Dhabi and as I stepped off the plane and stepped unto the transfer bus from the runway en-route to the arrival terminal, I met a near 75 year-old man. He sat next me as we took the 10-minute transfer bus. He proceeded to ask me what I was doing there in Abu Dhabi; I responded that I was studying there for the week. He introduced himself as a Christian missionary from Papua New Guinea travelling from Australia and how he was returning to his home in the UK where he wasn’t looking forward to given the terrible weather but that he was excited about going back to his wife. He then started asking for my life history and I obliged. When I got to the part where I mentioned I used to work in banking for 6 years, he stopped me with “Really, you don’t seem like the type”. I further engaged with him to ask why he felt so. He responded with “I have only met you for a few minutes but you, with your energy and personality seem more of a creative than a bank worker”. He left me with “You were probably wasting your talent there and it’s a good thing you are not there anymore so use your talent better” (So blunt, no?).What really got me was how someone I had never met, someone that didn’t know me was able to deduce so quickly and come to a conclusion on what I should be doing. Let me first say that banking definitely provided me with some core learning’s that I needed over the years but deep down I knew all along I was under-serving myself, I knew I wasn’t at my destination yet. At times, we ourselves know where we best fit, it’s crystal clear perhaps not so where we should be but more so where we shouldn’t be.

So the question I have for you is, do you feel you are where it feels right, where the key fits the lock? Not only where it feels right in terms of your career, but also in terms of your friendships, your relationships, your life. If not, why are you there? Why aren’t you moving towards where you will feel truly ALIVE? Ask yourself WHY?

“We may place blame, give reasons, and even have excuses; but in the end, it is an act of cowardice to not follow your dreams.” 
― Steve Maraboli

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The Rejection

  Recently I had a conversation with a friend and in that conversation, we discussed how she felt rejected by a guy she really grew to like and how she didn’t understand that someone like her was rejected (Tbh, I didn’t understand it either, she is pretty, had a great personality and the works but I guess I’ll never understand how Eric Benet lost Halle Berry). She said she needed closure as to why this was the case (I was surprised given this whole rejection happened nearly 3 months ago). My response was possibly harsh but I feel its a lesson to us all (FYI /Warning!! you need to be thick-skinned to have me as a friend). My words were “why are you upset with this rejection? Someone doesn’t want to be with you, what’s so wrong with that? It’s not a reflection of who you are, it’s a choice made of preference and everyone is entitled to that choice”. Her response was that no one had ever rejected her before and so its was an awkward feeling to deal with. I think she felt I was being a little mean but I hope she understood that I was coming from a good place.This whole conversation made me later reflect on life as a whole and on how we are so afraid of rejection, afraid of not being accepted, so afraid of not being wanted and so afraid of FAILURE. I began to reflect more on why we are so afraid and I have come to my conclusion that the reason lies in the fact that we were brought up in a society that praises success and diminishes failure. We see failure as a stigma, a plague, a disease, something we don’t want the world to know about,  something we don’t want to be associated with and something we keep hidden. We never celebrate rejection or failure, do we?

The thing we as human beings forget is that failure and rejection is part and parcel of life. We forget that it is actually the lessons from failure that propel us to success.  The moment we understand this, the quicker we can take the lessons from them and truly live boldly.

I left her with this phrase which I also leave you with: “Remember that everything is not meant for you, and you are not meant for everything or everyone and remember that there is nothing wrong with that”

#SassyFunke

#Till next time

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How pain and hurt became the beginning of JOY

   Most people that know me see my as the fun-loving, forever happy person and I often get asked whether I am ever sad. Whenever I am asked this, I just smile because only I know my own story. Most people don’t know I am quite spiritual. I may not read a bible verse everyday, I may be perceived as the social butterfly, but I feel so connected to God and he is no doubt the core of my being and existence. I have a story for you, maybe two. Years ago, I went through two events in life that shook my earth. One was a break-up in a relationship. It shook my earth because in the process I felt I lost a friendship that meant the world to me and till today, it’s a loss I wish I could have done without. The second was painful on a scale I never thought humanly possible and it was when I nearly lost my mother (as I write this, the tears still flow) to an illness. I blamed the world, my family, God, everyone. Thankfully she has now fully recovered.I remember months after these experiences, I went to my church at the dominion theatre in London as I normally do with a friend and what happened next was a little overwhelming. I sat down and I couldn’t stop crying for the entire service for no good reason. I remember my friend asking me if I was ok to which I responded yes (To be honest, I was confused as to my I was crying, I hardly ever shed tears for anything or anyone). I was ok but I felt a sense of relief and a presence letting me know that it was ok for me to feel weak, to feel sad, to feel pain but that it would all be ok, and that I would face further trials and tribulations in life but that I should know that it will all be ok and that I wasn’t alone in it.

Some of you will read this and think ‘oh my, she has gone and lost it’ (haha, maybe I have but who knows). But the powerful thing that experience in church had on me that day changed my life forever. It changed the way I viewed setbacks, hurt, tribulations and trials. I saw these things as ‘OK’. Meaning it’s ok for these experiences to come into my life, its ok for them to try and shake me up but the change now is that I don’t entertain them in defining who are I am. I don’t give them the arena to manifest and build castles around in my life. Because of this experience, my life has been more fulfilled, more enriched. People often ask how I find it easy to move on from trials, problems, drama and the rest and I simply say that whilst these trials are all part and parcel of life, they only represent a drop of salt in what is an ocean that represents my life. They don’t affect or define me unless I let them do so. Yes, THAT SIMPLE.

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

#SassyFunke

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If only you knew how much power you had

Too often, we seek not only the acceptance of others but their go ahead for us to take plunges. Sometimes we need their validation to make our move. Why do we do this? Why do we rely on others to make decisions for us? Why do we wait for a stamp of approval from humans before we find our own way as if to suggest we are less human?I am always saying to a good friend of mine that people only have power or feel powerful because we give them that power by making them feel more than ourselves. Take away the way we view powerful people and how you perceive them (and how you make them feel) and they become powerless in a flash. But even more powerful is the notion that others don’t have the answers to any of our questions…they have answers but those aren’t ours, it their answers.

I think this is self-destructive behavior that I practice too frequently…. I am constantly asking for re-enforcement of my beliefs…I am always asking for validation in my decisions, my plans. Maybe’s it’s because I am cautious or maybe its because I don’t trust myself. I hate that part of me to be honest. I am the author of my life. I am in the best position to direct my life. I have lived it for so long and I am in the best position to decide our my future should look like

Something so trivial as whether or not to take a trip this weekend became a topic of conversation I had with way too many individuals even to the point that I was irritating myself. But I stopped when I asked a fellow classmate and her the answer to her my question was simple; she said, “Do what makes you happy, what you feel like because ultimately that’s what matters”.

It was an important statement for me, more so as I am mid way of my MBA and I am trying to really narrow on my career path post MBA. It’s such a beautiful experience to be surrounded by such smart, intelligent beings that truly make me view the world more differently, beings that make me feel like anything is truly possible but I have to keep reminding myself that their path is not mine, yes I want to be inspired but I don’t want to lose my own way.

So to you my powerful beings, own your destiny and trust your journey, the process and know that only you can write your story.

#SassyFunke

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Beauty ReDefined

Today’s post is all about ‘Beauty’. To make sure I understood what this really meant I quickly googled the term (my close friend Amanda would tell you how much I overuse google to search random things…She would ask me any question and I would always have a response and if I didn’t, I simply said ‘google knows’). I am digressing as usual. So beauty according to the cambridge dictionary is: the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially when you look at it.Some people see beauty as vanity. For example, they see the use of make-up as a cover up the ‘real’ self. They view women that focus on and spend considerable about of money on looking good as extremely vain. Some believe that the act of bleaching one’s skin is not beauty. I disagree (not that I bleach my own skin or think it’s appropriate).

So what are my thoughts on beauty? Beauty can be about makeup or implants or looking lighter, it can be about waking up ‘flawless’ (no makeup at all) #IWokeUpLikeThis. It could be about being a size zero model and it could be about having some flesh. For me, beauty is simple. It’s about being comfortable in your skin (with or without any enhancements you see fit). It’s about conveying a message to your inner self that says ‘I am ME and I am loving me, flaws, implants and all’. It’s about being confident that what you are is FABULOUS whether anyone else thinks so or not. It’s about living life on your terms.

So what’s the lesson here? Simply that beauty is not defined by one person, that it is unique and that we all have the power to define what beautiful is and as such we shouldn’t take to heart when the world doesn’t think we are beautiful. Know that you and only you define beauty and as such it is imperative to own that power to define your own kind of beautiful everyday. So stay beautiful, always.

#SassyFunke