Category: Inspiration

This is the title of my newest post and oh my. So let me share a little of what was going on with me few weeks ago. I had recently finished my MBA and was working on securing a full time job. In the midst of securing a job, I was incorporating some travel around the world and it seemed to the outside world that perhaps I was not serious in my pursuit of a job. They looked at my Instagram and Facebook feed and thought, all she is about is fun and travelling, “how would this one get a job”, “Is she really that serious?” This got a bit irritating, as I myself knew how much I had invested in this pursuit and in growing myself over the past few months.

I remember when I used to work in Investment banking and everyone one saw me as the “always happy friendly”, “spending all my time in the gym”, “playing netball”, “forever jet-setting away” one that left the office much earlier than most others. What they didn’t know was that behind it all, I was studying hard, investing hour’s day in, day out (after work, on the bus, on the train – arm in arm in with GMAT books) all in pursuit to study an MBA. Once I got accepted into one of the best business schools in the world, I remember getting comments like “WOW, you got into INSEAD” as if to imply it was by luck (unfortunately they didn’t get front seat at my moments of sleepless nights studying, my moment of profound sadness when I initially didn’t get the GMAT score I wanted). They didn’t understand how this fun-loving, forever travelling soul could get into business school. 

I remember when I was at business school; no one understood how I had the time to start a blog (They didn’t get a front row seat when I woke up regularly at 2am to plan, build my blog and regularly posts content, “they didn’t buy tickets to see my show”). So what is the point of today’s rant…Its simply that people are so quick to make judgments about who we are, what we can achieve by looking at our surface. They don’t know that behind all that Facebook post, all those selfies, all those instagram quotes, is a grafter, a hard worker, a relentless soul who is in pursuit of more than she is today. 

 

Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception–do not confuse them with “facts” or “truth”

|| John Moore

 

Can you relate to my post? Any thoughts on my perspective? Let me know, I would love to hear them!

Till next time

Sassy xx

That job, that promotion, that relationship, that life…all those things that we want so badly, those things that we feel we deserve, those things that we are so impatient for, those things that seemingly mean the world to us, things that would just make everything PERFECT (if there is any thing such as that…but that’s another conversation for another day).

I guess my post today is all about whether or not we are worth all the things we desire and to consider how we approach those desires. Rather than relentlessly seek those things that we want so badly, maybe we should seek to be worth them. “Seek to be worth them” meaning that we should live, act and grow in a way whereby if or when those dreams/goals/targets do come to pass, we would actually be fully ready, be present to embrace them and live them out in a way that those blessings wouldn’t be a waste on us.

Too often we focus on the goal but over the years I have come to realize that it is NOTHING about the goal. It’s all the process, it’s all about the journey to getting “IT” because along the journey, there are so many “ITs” we fail to acknowledge and all these little “ITs” contribute immensely to our growth, our happiness, our JOY.

So the lesson for today (for YOU and I) is to begin seeking being worthy of all we desire, rather than to seek the desires themselves.

 

“If the entire world sought to make itself worthy of happiness rather than make itself happy, then the entire world would be happy” || Criss Jami

Sassy xx

So those were her words, and to be honest, I never expected it. She seemed so confident, so sure in her ways that I always thought her ways were hers and hers only. She opened up to tell me that having grown up in the west and being part of a minority in an  private school for her formative years(something I could relate with), she was always surrounded by caucasian beings and always seeked to fit in whether that meant by attending more parties than she actually liked or by getting involved in relationships that were deemed acceptable by her peers (even if they were unacceptable by her standards) or loving the activities adorned by those around her (just because).

The reason she shared this with me was to tell me that she was tired of it all, that she no longer wanted to fit in. She no longer wanted to seek or appease her “world” or what she thought her world was. She said, “Do you actually know I hate clubbing? But I do it because everyone else does”. She also mentioned how she felt like she was in a competition to do better or at least to stay on par with others *How Exhausting*. She said she didn’t know what change in her (perhaps the number of years added to her life) but that something triggered her to stop and that she now felt so much lighter, so much happier. A huge weight was lifted off her and oh my she couldn’t wait to share this news with me.

I am not going to drag this post longer that I should or get all philosophical but I wanted to share this story with you to tell you to let it go, take off the weight, life isn’t that serious. Trust me, those that love you, that value you, that respect you will love who YOU truly are. I am proud of her as I AM proud of YOU for letting it all go, accepting yourself and starting to live on your terms.

 

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” || Marilyn Monroe

Much love

#Sassy

So this post has been inspired from a recent response I received from a person asking me whether I truly believe one of the post I recently shared on instagram from one of my favourite writers “Alex Elle”

The quote was about how I would never love another more than I love myself. So quoting this individual “Doesn’t that quote make you a little egocentric and narcissistic”. I think it’s only fair that we dig deeper for the sake of clarity and as such I am going to take us to the Oxford dictonary to explore the meanings of these two words.

Egocentric 

– thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centred

Narcissistic

– having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance.

So now let me get on to explaining the quote so that we all clearly understand it’s meaning. Loving me doesn’t refer to loving how I look or any superficiality. It involves respecting me, my being and understanding that taking care of my wellbeing whether it is physical, psychological or emotional is important and paramount and only when I can do this properly, I am truly capable of knowing how to truly love another properly. What I speak about or hope to relay from the quote is way deeper that any superficiality.

So to conclude I am not egocentric and I am not narcissistic (but I openly admit that I admire myself and my journey so far). So to further conclude, I think it’s important for us to “look, before we leap” before making judgement about who others are. Its important to be able to read between the lines.

On a different note, why does the world have such a big issue with the notion of self love, as if to say that loving one’s self is a crime, as if to say its a no-no a taboo. Could it possibly be because somewhere beneath it all, the world actually wishes it had a dose of that love itself? Anyways, I will leave this topic for another day.

 

“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” || Shannon L. Alder

 

Much love

#Sassy

Some things really have to be lived to be understood. Getting an MBA at INSEAD is certainly on the top of my list of those things. I still remember all the hard work I put into applying to business school from the weekly night GMAT lessons after work in London to the endless versions of my application essays I got the whole world to review all in the pursuit of the perfect application. Now l have come to the end of my 10-month MBA journey so I want to share with you my learnings from this journey:

1. Be humble, be open, interact with everyone…the best things/experiences always rise from the most unexpected places
2. There will be moments where you will find things tough to handle but know that its meant to be tough so live through it #YouWillSurvive
3. If you have plans, know that plans are for Gods, any plan you had probably may not work as planned so be open to the amazing possibilities and stay open
4. Be authentically YOU. Strive to be yourself and stick away from the norm, deep down everyone loves those that are uniquely different even though they may not openly share this
5. Have standards and stick to them, its so easy to be swayed and go with the flow but as I say to my friends #KnowYourself
6. Socializing & Travelling with others is possibly a more valuable learning experience than sitting in that tutorial class
7. You will be confused about life from time to time but enjoy the confusion..in time it will all make sense..hopefully 🙂
8. Seek to make friends with people unlike you, I truly believe I have made some bonds that I doubt can be broken from this experience
9. There is no greater source of knowledge, talent and growth than an INSEAD MBA with over 500 UNIQUE souls merged into one nest for 10 months #Fact
10. INSEAD is no doubt THE best business school in the world #AnotherFact lol

INSEAD for me has been an incredible journey from the learning’s I have absorbed, to the uncountable places I have explored, to the incredible love that I received from others, to the many shared amazing experiences and bonds I have built. I am certainly not who I was before I started. I am better now than I was and I am blessed to have been able to share this journey with some truly remarkable individuals, whom I hope to stay connected to for a lifetime.

My underlying words for you today is to reach for more than YOU…reach for new experiences, new challenges, new loves, new sources of growth. The world is waiting for you and trust me, It has a lot more to offer than you’ve dreamed. It certainly did for me. Stay hungry and PLEASE take that plunge into reaching for MORE and expect to be astonished.

 

“As the years pass by…as the dreams of our careers become our reality…as the loves of our lives grow, 
I hope you are able to look back at your journey and see a life filled with perfect moments. I hope you build a life where you continually find the best version of yourself.” || Marlon Bowman (INSEAD 15J MBA Graduate)

#WeMadeIt  My Class Graduating video clip

Nothing gets me more wound up in life than when people are ungrateful, when people misuse the kindness of others and take people’s actions for granted. An experience I went through or I could say I am going through involved me truly stepping out of my comfort zone and going out to help a friend. To be honest, am sure a lot of people will say “ah, Funke you’re preaching to the choir, these things happen daily and one must not take it seriously”. But the problem is I do.

Why does it get to me? It bothers me greatly as I believe ungratefulness is a fundamental human failing. When we go out of our way for others, others need to understand that they have no rights of entitlement and that what they receive, whether its emotional or any other kind of gesture is not a given, not a freebie (No one likes to run a charity). It bothers me because people’s ungratefulness creates a situation where we as humans slowly but surely become much more of ourselves and for ourselves than for the care of the world outside.

A friend used to sit me down and say that human beings all get what we deserve in time and that I should treat anyone that treats me with some distaste nothing with nothing but good but that I should give it time and the tables will be turned. It’s so hard to do, to give it time and watch people act with such ungratefulness and not be able to dish them a taste of their own medicine.

So, do I view humans differently now? Not necessarily but I will say I have reduced expectations of humans as I believe it was my high expectations of gratefulness that got me in the situation to start with. What is that saying again, you can’t change their behavior but you can change yours.    

 

“Love people who hate you. Pray for people who have wronged you. It won’t just change their life…it’ll change yours.”|| Mandy Hale

I certainly live by the sentiment my fellow Nigerian Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (renowned novelist and non-fiction writer) had when she gave a speech at the 2015 Write Now awards ceremony about the pitfalls of pursuing likability. Her words are as below:

“…you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likable.

And I say that’s bullshit.

So what I want to say to young girls is forget about likability”

Lets take a step back, Likability means one that is easy to like. Let me address what likability will bring to you:

1. People like you and perhaps they like all your posts on social media (key to remember this may not transition into cash)
2. People will tell others they like you
3. People will attend your events (and if you’re lucky buy you gifts)

Let me address what likability will not assure you of:

1. Respect
2. Consistency
3. Trust
4. Love
5. Meaningful relationships

I think the key message here isn’t that being liked is a negative thing, more so that chasing being liked is a NO NO… you should never have to change your authentic self to FIT IN. If they don’t like you the way you are, someone out there will (with over 7 billion people on earth, you are in luck). Remember also how inconsistent human beings are, they may ‘like’ you today but ‘hate’ you tomorrow so chasing their likes is like chasing a forever moving target and what kind of life is that to live???

I say to you, follow your dreams, follow what matters to you and remain authentic to you, to your story. So many people I have not liked upon meeting them but have ended up admiring, loving and looking up to simply because they stayed true to themselves.

“If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing” || Margaret Thatcher

 

So I watched the interview with Bruce Jenner a few weeks ago where he shared his struggle being a female in a man’s body and to be honest the first thing that came to mind for me was “What a shame to live those years not being able to be YOURSELF”

For me, this had nothing to do with transgender issues; the issue was so much more fundamental and simple.

So finally Bruce aka #Caitlyn has finally decided to transform slowly into what she feels comfortable in and has graced the cover of Vanity Fair in what I think is a bold, amazing revelation. Of course the world has a lot to say about this (as always), a lot of it negative but wow I am sure #Caitlyn feels beyond relieved. Lets ponder for a bit:

How many times have we lived in the shadows of others?

How many times have we changed who we were to satisfy the needs of others?

How many times have we lived the lives expected of us rather than the live we felt was right for us?

How many times have we changed our views to appease others?

And how miserable were we when we did this…

The question isn’t whether or not Bruce’s decision to be Caitlyn is right or wrong, the true question is who am I and who are you to judge who Bruce should be? The question is have we lived in his shoes to understand his struggles and pains? The question is have we lived growing up feeling we were in the wrong body? The question is who made us God to feel we have the right to judge another…

It doesn’t hurt me to see the negative words being directed towards Caitlyn. It hurts me that the world still hasn’t learnt from the past. Wasn’t it just around the corner that the world thought the roles of black people in society were to be slaves? The world needs to take a chill pill and sit itself down.

We have no right to decide who anyone should be or judge them #PERIOD 

 

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” ― Earl Nightingale

I never understood it when I would bring an argument I had with a friend to my mum and she would say “let it go, it’s not that serious”. To be honest, it would drive me mad as if to say she didn’t understand the gravity of how I felt or how I felt I had been treated.

It’s an odd feeling now as I see myself repeating those words to my friends when they come to me to vent about others (maybe it’s age or maturity or life lessons or just luck). My questions to them go like this:

• Is it possible they saw your point differently?
• Are you ready to lose the relationship or fix it?
• On the scale of your life issues, how does this fare?

I had an argument with a friend 4 years ago. It got really bad to the extent that she went to extremes to make me look bad in front of mutual friends. We didn’t speak for years and she later reached out for some help. I had a choice, and I chose to help out. A few of my friends were outraged that I would consider to do so but I realized that I needed to forgive her, not for her but for me. The loss of friendship actually hurt me more than they knew. I had lost someone I really connected with.

Letting go is important because we will always be offended by those around us but its important to find the seed of forgiveness in us and to remember we also are imperfect beings.

Letting go takes the pain away, It lets you dwell on the things that truly matter.

I encourage you to let go of what weighs you down, to let go of what prevents you from actually holding meaningful relationships. Life is too short to have shoulda’s, coulda’s and woulda’s. As Nigerian’s would say #TheDevilIsALiar (i.e. I won’t let this negative circumstance come to pass or to affect life as it is)

 

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” || Mahatma Gandhi

So apparently I am a DiVA (sighs)…so I decided to visit my source of great knowledge #Google and type “diva definition” so that I truly understood what this label meant. A definition that comes up is as below:

“One who demands that attention be paid to his or her needs, especially without regard to anyone else’s needs or feelings”

I am grossly offended with anyone with this definition in mind when they call me a diva.

I am very much aware that I have certain standards and taste that I like to adhere to. Some say my standards are high but what does that mean? That I like to have certain things a certain way? Perhaps so but is that something out of the ordinary?? Who doesn’t have a preference for how things should be?

What I grossly hate about the definition is that it implies I demand attention to be paid to my needs at the expense of the needs/feelings of others. I don’t demand anything off anyone. I do not think my preferences supersede the needs of others. I certainly don’t see myself as a superior being. I do not ask for anything I cannot afford to work and pay for myself or reciprocate for others. I work hard for the life I live and if I choose to spend money on things that are of perceived higher standards to others so be it. Is it a crime to choose how to spend one’s hard earned cash? If I prefer to fly on private jets instead of taking commercial flights (this is a joke for illustrative purposes so let’s not find any new labels for me, I am not quite at this level…YET lol), Is that an issue to be frowned upon?

Anyways, the reason I bring up this topic is to highlight the broader issue with labeling. People use labeling without understanding what the label means, what it implies and whether or not it is truly relevant in a context. Labeling, I believe is even more damaging in that we bucket individuals into a certain categories, categories which we sub consciously have pre-conceived ideas about. We make decisions based on these ideas that can potentially tarnish the reputation of others.

I guess my hope is that when we use labels in the future, we should also bear in mind the perhaps negative connotations these labels have and also the impact that these labels will have on the perception of an individual’s character in the midst of others.

So to this, I ask of you not to judge people by the labels you have heard of them BUT to build your own connections and make your own decisions about them without the world’s LABEL.

What are YOUR thoughts/experience on this issue of labeling? I would love to hear them.

“Once you label me you negate me.” ||  Søren Kierkegaard