I don’t care if you like me

I certainly live by the sentiment my fellow Nigerian Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (renowned novelist and non-fiction writer) had when she gave a speech at the 2015 Write Now awards ceremony about the pitfalls of pursuing likability. Her words are as below:

“…you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likable.

And I say that’s bullshit.

So what I want to say to young girls is forget about likability”

Lets take a step back, Likability means one that is easy to like. Let me address what likability will bring to you:

1. People like you and perhaps they like all your posts on social media (key to remember this may not transition into cash)
2. People will tell others they like you
3. People will attend your events (and if you’re lucky buy you gifts)

Let me address what likability will not assure you of:

1. Respect
2. Consistency
3. Trust
4. Love
5. Meaningful relationships

I think the key message here isn’t that being liked is a negative thing, more so that chasing being liked is a NO NO… you should never have to change your authentic self to FIT IN. If they don’t like you the way you are, someone out there will (with over 7 billion people on earth, you are in luck). Remember also how inconsistent human beings are, they may ‘like’ you today but ‘hate’ you tomorrow so chasing their likes is like chasing a forever moving target and what kind of life is that to live???

I say to you, follow your dreams, follow what matters to you and remain authentic to you, to your story. So many people I have not liked upon meeting them but have ended up admiring, loving and looking up to simply because they stayed true to themselves.

“If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing” || Margaret Thatcher