8 HACKS FOR surviving an airport in Nigeria

Before you think I am a bitter expat with too high expectations, I would like to clarify that I was born in Nigeria and have lived here for a considerable part of my life. Amongst my peers, I am always the first to defend my country. To say I love my country despite its many flaws is an understatement. I am #ProudlyNigerian. Nevertheless there are some things that even I cannot defend, things that I have tolerated and defended for so long that to defend them would be pure stupidity and more importantly impede the growth of my nation. One of those things is the state of our international airport in Lagos. I will not go into the issues but I will simple give you tips so that you can enjoy or at least not hate your experience so much that you refuse to fly into my beloved country again. Here they are “8 Hacks for surviving an airport in Nigeria”:

1. CHECK IN ONLINE (and PRINT out your CHECK-IN confirmation)

This is important especially if you are flying “cattle class”, sorry I meant Economy. And bear in mind that you may not see a baggage drop queue at the check-in desk. Simply approach an official with your confirmation and you will be able skip ahead of that unbelievable long-winded line.

2. DRESS LIKE YOU ARE GOING SOMEWHERE

The saying that says you should “dress as you want to be addressed” really applies here. People respect you more when you look decent so I suggest to avoid disrespect, dress like you’re someone important (aka rich or at least “not poor”). Sorry flip flops don’t cut it.

3. AVOID HEELS

If you’re unlucky enough to use an international credit card to book your flight, you will have the joy of being sent on a merry go round to do credit card verifications at the airlines office (Pray their systems are working). You want to conduct these activities in comfort AKA “NO heels” (simply to reduce your irritation).

4. IF ASKED YOUR OCCUPATION, RESPOND THAT YOU ARE A STUDENT (AKA You likely have little means of income)

This will reduce the likelihood that you will be begged for money. It can be a little irritating so just curb this by explaining you’re a student of UNILAG or which ever school you please (no rich schools).

5. HAVE MANNERS (a.k.a RESPECT YOUR ELDERS)

The truth is the airport can be a power-hungry environment and everyone from the check-in rep to the immigration rep may use his or her authority to put you down. Key ways to respect your elders are as follows:

  • Don’t use your left hand to pass anything to officials (it is rude and you will be faced with insults)
  • Respond to officials with “Yes Ma” and “Yes Sir”
  • Keep a happy/neutral face and banter with officials

6. GET A SHAPARONE

Who you know is everything in life and this applies at the Nigerian airport. Know the right person and you will likely seamlessly enjoy your hopefully short stint at the airport.

7. ENSURE YOU’VE BUILT UPPER BODY STRENGTH (or travel with a hulk)

Given all bags are manually checked at the check-in desk (I still don’t understand this), you will have to haul your bags on tables to be checked. Ensure to prepare for this so that you don’t feel irritated or question why the hell you have to do this.

8. BE MENTALLY PREPARED TO SHARE THE AIRPORT WITH OTHER SPECIES

The airport has been known to be homes to rats (don’t worry, they don’t bite and they are scared of you). Know that you are a superior being so when you see them, just ignore and continue with your day.

There may be many more hacks out there and perhaps you know them. Do SHARE in the comment section below so that your fellow travelers in and out of Nigeria can have a better experience.

Photo Credit: FAAN

5 quick and FREE ways to maximise short vacations

Only the rich get the luxury of taking long holidays abruptly. For most 9 to 5’ers (who really work longer than 9 to 5, not that I am venting) who have been allocated a 20 day or so holiday quota by their employer, they have to be really smart with the time allocated to them. We can not afford to take time for granted because frankly we don’t have much of it. So here I am to the rescue with 5 quick and free ways to maximise short vacations!

1. TRAVEL CLOSE

I made this mistake. I assumed that a holiday was only a holiday when I flew to a destination only at least 5 hours away. A vacation break can be an hour flight away or even a 30 mins drive away. Look for destinations close to home, rather than those so far away. There are unexpected gems to be found closer at home if we look hard enough. There is no point spending all your travel time on a plane (that may be delayed and thus even prolong you travel time even further). Flight delays are something we see on this side of the world (i.e. Nigeria) more often than not.

2. DITCH THE LUGGAGE

I am always of the fear that the airline will lose my check-in luggage so once a while I try to travel with only a hand luggage. This saves a good amount of time as you can arrive at the airport much later and be the first to leave the airport at arrival. Wouldn’t you prefer to spend more time relaxing than battling and sweating for your luggage??

3. TRAVEL WITHOUT FRIENDS aka SOLO TRAVEL

Truth is some friends have their own agendas when they travel and their agenda can mess with yours. If your travel partner decides to sleep-in that extra two hours on your “SHORT” vacation, that is two hours you will not get back especially if you’re working on a schedule.

4. PLAN WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE AND WHEN

I am always so perplexed when people tell me they went on vacation but failed to see some important sites. Their excuse is that they had no time. Did you actually plan beforehand all the things you planned on doing or did you expect to by chance, stumble upon them? Greatness was never stumbled upon, it was always planned in advance 🙂

5. STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA

We all spend way too much time on social media when we really should be absorbing the world around us #GuiltyAsCharged. The amount of time is spend on social media is time we could be using to unwind, relax and enjoy life.

What do you think about my 5 SIMPLE and FREE (we all love free lol) ways to maximise time on short breaks? Share with me other ways you’ve gained time during those short vacations.

 

How to haggle in Marrakech

Marrakech is a major city in Morocco here in our beautiful continent of Africa. I went to Marrakech and I realized that everyone that visits Marrakech leaves with a degree “A Phd in Bargaining”. Moroccans make Nigerians look like they only got taught bargaining at primary school. Here are my top tips on how to haggle/bargain in Marrakech.

1. Vendors Price

Pay zero attention to the First price the vendor calls out. You can laugh as a sign of acknowledgement to let him know that that price was certainly a joke…an expensive but very funny joke. To let let this price anchor you or affect your final price.

2. Ask for the Vendor’s final price

As in (1) above, pay zero attention and laugh

3. Your Offer

Your next offer has nothing to do with the first offer by the vendor. On average your offer should be between 5-10% of offer in (2)

4. Digress

Start paying attention to another product in the vendor stall and start pricing that instead

5. Leave

Tell the vendor how much you like the products but too expensive but you will be back tomorrow.

6. Shop post 6pm

Try and make purchases in the evening when vendors are worn out from all the haggling degrees they gave out during the day.

7. Say You’re African

Tell the vendor you are also African hence family so he/she shouldn’t give you the price for foreigners as we all know the deal.

Perhaps you have also been to Marrakech and have some bargaining tips to offer, Do share xx

 

How to approach a customs officer at the airport

I have been to numerous airports and it outstands me how many of my fellow Africans get it wrong at the airport. My people, please please realise that you are already black. What do I mean by that, I mean that you stand out from the crowd. And if you are Black and Nigerian, note that you are like a lighthouse at midnight i.e. Everyone sees you! Here are my tips of how to approach a customs officer, tips to hopefully make your humiliation less disturbing.

Tip 1: Dress like a human being

I am sorry but some of you dress like you are going to the market and have never travelled in your life. Dress the way you want to be treated…It’s that simple

Tip 2: Leave that “Ghana must go” at home

I understand that maybe you just managed to scramble money together for a ticket but help your fellow countrymen out by scrambling money together for a decent hand luggage. There is no point looking poor, the officers (especially those ones at Heathrow airport) will assume you have come to their land to drain their resources. #ProveThemWrong

Tip 3: Don’t talk too much

   When a customs officer asks a simple question, please give a simple answer. There is no point delivering an essay. It will only get you into trouble.

Tip 4: Don’t look intimidated

   I believe customs officers try to intimidate you simply to catch you out. I say “don’t play their game”. You know what you came for, certainly not to entertain this nonsense.

Tip 5: Don’t be chatting to you fellow countrymen in the immigration line

As in when you get off that plane, keep your eye on the prize (i.e. The airport exit). I am sure you know that there are cameras everywhere once you get off the plane. They are watching your every move so don’t let someone else’s drama suddenly become yours. No, Thank you!

 

To all our travellers out there that have been humiliated at airports across the globe, please share some tips so that we are well equipped for the Airport Saga. Perhaps you have some other tips to share, please share 🙂