Such a big title for a very simple mistake. The biggest mistake I ever made is a mistake we have all made at some point in our lives. We make this mistake because we are human, we believe in humanity, we see the best in people and hope for the best. We see people’s future potential today and invest mentally and emotionally in it.
The mistake I made was to believe so much in words that I ignored the actions that were meant to be the backbone of them. I have made this mistake with my friendships and relationships. Maybe it’s the “Miss Nice” instinct in me that really invest in the potential possibilities of humans not their current realities. I really try to see people for who they could be but as my friends would say “Who made you mother Theresa?”. Looking back, I wasted too much time with people that simply didn’t matter, people that didn’t show or prove to me they had a place in my life. I would have probably saved so much time I wasted on investing in building my own future empire [maybe I could have been on Forbes list of billionaires under 30 a while back *sighs*, there is still time so the hustle begins]
Lets take an example, I go for a job interview where I am promising that I will achieve certain deliverables and lets say for the next few months after accepting and starting the job, I turn up to work 30% of the time and achieve 10% of the deliverables, do I expect to have a job for too long? Do I expect to get a promotion? Do I expect my boss to see me for my potential and say “I know you will do better next year”? Do I expect a pat in the back? Should I be surprised if I get a warning or if I get fired?
Well the truth of the matter now is that I have changed. I am very rational with my relationships. Until I see substance, I am not even listening to words, I will not invest in YOU. Sassy’s time is way too valuable anyways. If a person can not hold their end of the bargain and all he/she feeds me with is words in space, that person can be certain that their days within my network are numbered. I don’t have many close friends but I can certainly say those that have made it to my core are full of substance (substance of support, of love, of encouragement, of advise, of time).
What do you think? Do you think I am being a bit harsh trying to rationalize my relationships in regard to the value they bring to the table? I would love to hear YOUR thoughts….
#Sassy
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” || Rita Mae Brown
I’ve been following your blog for some time, I just felt the urge to comment this time. I respect your views on this. I think that its wise to evaluate your relationships with others based on what they can bring to the table. Its not logical to keep people around that do not offer you anything in return. However, how do we try to rationalize this issue in an irrational world? Being logical when dealing with emotions stems from the fear of being hurt, manipulated, victimized, betrayed, disappointed, etc. The truth is that not everyone we meet is meant to give to us. Sometimes we cross paths with people to offer something to them and there ends the relationship. Also, sometimes you meet people that are meant to give to you, and there ends the relationship. If you think back, you might have met someone that gave you something you will always remember (advice, an item, time, anything really). It was something you really needed at the time, but you never had the opportunity to return the favor for whatever reason. Its just the way of the world. We want things to be sensible all the time. They just can’t be. Logic and emotions are like oil and water, they just don’t mix. Think of all the lessons you’ve learned from people who didn’t bring value to your life. All those experiences would be lost. If everyone we met was patient, kind, caring, ‘worthy’ of us… Goodness, that would be a boring and fake existence. As cliche as it sounds, I believe that everything that happens to us, good or bad, is for a reason. By all means, be careful of the people you encounter, because not everyone means you well. Weed out the people who clearly mean to hurt or harm you from those who just make mistakes sometimes. Life is a constant learning experience. Live it and love it fearlessly! Thanks for the blog Funke, I feel like I needed this post today. Keep ’em coming!
Thanks for your comment Ije. I completely agree with you when you say not all that we meet are meant to give to us and indeed it is hard to rationalize emotions. I guess trying to rationalize it all is an out of the fear of being hurt etc but as you rightly pointed out, not everyone we meet means us well so there is a level of caution needed to keep one’s sanity but in the midst of it all, we need to live our lifes and love it fearlessly 🙂
Amen to all of this.
Amen!
I’ve been following your posts for awhile. Abi, I can relate with my relationships with men. I’ve dated many, but the one that broke my heart was an igbo man living in NYC (..sigh I don’t want to generalize, but I have to vent).. Have you ever dated one? If so, how was it and how did you handle it?
I agree one shouldn’t generalise because people are people and you never can tell what is within souls (even though one should bear in mind potential cultural differences). I can comment about handling heart break…you shouldn’t really refer to any relationship that didn’t work out as a heartbreak, simply the person didn’t value you enough to treat you with the decency you deserved and guess what “that is OK”. Because why should you be sad over someone not valuing you? nope, you should simply dust whatever pain you feel off, move on and don’t look back. Having this kind of mindset is everything. Hope that helps!!