So those were her words, and to be honest, I never expected it. She seemed so confident, so sure in her ways that I always thought her ways were hers and hers only. She opened up to tell me that having grown up in the west and being part of a minority in an private school for her formative years(something I could relate with), she was always surrounded by caucasian beings and always seeked to fit in whether that meant by attending more parties than she actually liked or by getting involved in relationships that were deemed acceptable by her peers (even if they were unacceptable by her standards) or loving the activities adorned by those around her (just because).
The reason she shared this with me was to tell me that she was tired of it all, that she no longer wanted to fit in. She no longer wanted to seek or appease her “world” or what she thought her world was. She said, “Do you actually know I hate clubbing? But I do it because everyone else does”. She also mentioned how she felt like she was in a competition to do better or at least to stay on par with others *How Exhausting*. She said she didn’t know what change in her (perhaps the number of years added to her life) but that something triggered her to stop and that she now felt so much lighter, so much happier. A huge weight was lifted off her and oh my she couldn’t wait to share this news with me.
I am not going to drag this post longer that I should or get all philosophical but I wanted to share this story with you to tell you to let it go, take off the weight, life isn’t that serious. Trust me, those that love you, that value you, that respect you will love who YOU truly are. I am proud of her as I AM proud of YOU for letting it all go, accepting yourself and starting to live on your terms.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” || Marilyn Monroe
Much love
#Sassy
Wow! This is the second article this week I’ve read. The first one by an Indian-American woman that hates her Indian culture, only dates white men, but is constantly made to feel like the “odd ball” when she’s around her white male suitors’ friends and family. At some point you just have to accept who you are and embrace the hell out of it. Often times we measure our success by living in a certain community, majoring in a certain degree, going to a certain church only because certain people do, while compromising our own happiness. The more sooner we move into the knowledge that who and what we are is 100% perfect, the sooner we become free. I’m glad she finally came into her reality. Just discovered your blog today! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and for commenting…really enjoyed your last sentences. Indeed we need to really embrace who and what we are!! 🙂
[…] “I’ve always wanted to be white”, reported by my friend Funke some months ago. It made me think. Strangely, when I was growing up in The Netherlands I often thought I wanted to be anything but white. As a student, I told my friends that deep inside I was actually a big black woman. I looked so plain, and felt so different. I fitted in by default, but did not want to. […]